Destiny 2 also has a line of scented candles

She enters your apartment and you stand ready to greet her, wearing your Destiny 2-branded bathrobe. “Come in,” you purr, offering her a sippy cup full of Destiny 2-themed energy drink with Destiny 2-themed ice cubes. “I’ve carefully planned our evening, darling. It should be special.”

“Ooh, I like my dates to have class,” she replies for no readily explainable reason, stepping carefully past the teetering pile of Destiny 2-branded Pop-Tart boxes. “What is that wonderful scent?”

“I’ve been burning these Destiny 2-themed scented candles,” you say, holding up your Ghost-shaped candle holder because your interactions have the air of a thinly veiled advertisement. “Tell me, darling, would you prefer the scents of Venus, or do you long for the musky odor of the Dreadnaught?”

“You choose, you astonishing portrait of seduction,” she cries. “Take me now.”

(Yes, all of these are real products for sale for actual money in the real world. Except, oddly, for the sippy cup.)

Source: Numskull via Gamespot
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42 Comments on "Destiny 2 also has a line of scented candles"

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Jack Pipsam

This reminds me of the parody fragrance Xbox made up because they weren’t allowed to advertise Destiny due to the Sony deal.

Yes they did that.

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Chris Moss

I half expected a Destiny 2 themed Wizard Hat and Robe

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zeko_rena

I have always wondered what the moon smells like, now is finally my chance

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Joshua Dickerson

Perfect for your anniversary.

Litter the floor with Destiny 2 Poptart wrappers, leading her/him down the hallway to the dinner table where you have the Destiny 2 Energy drinks slowly sizzling in your best Champagne glasses.

Light those scented Destiny 2 candles, and party up for the co-op adventure of your life! Depending on the co-op party match-up, you may even trigger a rare proc 9 months later which gives you a 3rd player to join your adventures. Be warned that you are required to mentor this new player for the next 18 years outside of Destiny 2 to be eligible for “retirement” rewards.

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Hirku

What, no candle that smells like Uranus?

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silverlock

No matter what the labels says I’m pretty sure they all smell like it.

Cadaver
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Cadaver

The marketing division of the Activision/Blizzard corporation are a bunch of mindless jerks who’ll be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

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thirtymil

If there’s enough room next to Sirius Cybernetics :)

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Terren Bruce

I don’t even know what to say to this. I’ve never laughed out loud to a M:OP article before. I tip my hat to you good sir.

I shouldn’t laugh because I have a Star Wars cup. And a pair of coffee mugs. But whatever.

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Sally Bowls

+1 to everyone’s wry bemusement.

OTOH, to say something different, it’s 2017. When you are spending a lot of money to make a game, you are making a brand more than a game. (The ATVI slides talk about 8 billion-dollar brands) So when you run the numbers for the brand, streaming, and merchandising are a part of the mix and I bet it is a growing %.

“Activision Blizzard launches consumer products division with Mattel/Disney exec at the helm”
“Inspiring play, competition and community underpins everything we do, and giving audiences new ways to experience our franchises is core to this commitment,” said Activision Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick in a statement.

The move follows similar expansions into other platforms such as book publishing, e-sports, and a film and television studio.

Unless it stays niche small, your game studio is going to be doing this – just five years later and not as well as ATVI.

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Vlad Petrescu

Donno why they can’t promote their mediocre game …. what are you forced to buy it? ….does it bother you that it has a Destiny Sticker on your fav drink or snack ?….. I don’t get it …. Or is it cause you don’t have any actual news to cover since the gaming industry is a Boring same sh** different day ! …. OMG … your cheetos now have a image of …. Gordon FReeman OMFG ….. Grow up ….. People are dumb…. and they will buy anything …. why shouldn’t the gaming industry catch up with retarded promotions like this … Great article …can you also keep us informed when movies do this … or … any freakin company that tries to market/sale anything to anyone ….. -_-

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Paragon Lost

Activision and its satellites really know how to market crap that you want to buy. Sort of like the stress ball. Oh and wonderful write up Eliot! Had me giggling.

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agemyth 😩

But do the candles come with loot?

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starbuck1771

They could. There are candles you can buy and when they melt they can have things like gemstones or coins in them.

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blah blazh

The Destiny franchise is the Transformers of the gaming industry

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starbuck1771

Wrong that would be Halo. Like at all the Halo merch out there. Not to mention movies and web series like Red vs Blue. Halo has been on cans of gamer fuel more then most other games except maybe call of duty.

Minimalistway
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Minimalistway

Game themed products, i love to look at it but never buy it, i prefer to buy art books, documentaries about the game or the company (if i like them enough), sometimes i envy fans, you know … people who love something so much they will buy anything for it.

Also, what is going on with candles? i see them everywhere in the web, now even gaming websites write about them :-D

venatis
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venatis

Is it weird that I’m now wondering what Cayde-6 would smell like?

Estranged
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Estranged

Doesn’t everyone want to know what Nathan Fallon spells like?

Estranged
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Estranged

*smells ffs

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Sally Bowls

lol. +1 for Misspelling with spell! The comment edit timer is never quite enough.

Estranged
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Estranged

/bow

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Space Captain Zor

*Fillion

Estranged
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Estranged

lulz

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Hirku

Moichandizing! Moichandizing!

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A Dad Supreme

Aw.. don’t be so lazy!

You left Spaceballs stuff on the box! Schlag would NOT approve!

Estranged
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Estranged

I now have a new robe!

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A Dad Supreme

That robe actually looks pretty snazzy, although it looks like it’s stolen from the Hotel Destiny.

Estranged
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Estranged

I stole my last one. 😀

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starbuck1771

Eliot is now Blizzards official PR Rep. :P

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Alex Willis

Tried to write a joke about this. Can’t. It’s all there. One cannot enfuckulate the ridicule matrix any further than this.

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Space Captain Zor

Are you supposed to light these up while you play and pour the hot wax over your genitalia every time you die instead of a death counter?

Zander
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Zander

I laughed out load but shouldn’t have.

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A Dad Supreme

That last candle is “Dreadnaught”?

I’m guessing it smells like High School Locker Room.

Bree Royce
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Bree Royce

My first reaction to Eliot’s article wasn’t “WTF” or “we can’t publish this” but “dammit, these idiots spelled dreadnought wrong on the candle label.”

fml

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CapnLan

So how many of Eliot’s articles fall under said “WTF” and “we can’t publish this” categories? I think we need to know this. For science.

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Space Captain Zor

Agreed, lol.

Yearly feature article: Bree’s Chopping Block of Better Judgement :D

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Wolfyseyes

Better yet, it’s supposed to smell like Wormspore. Which is very likely worse than sniffing the actual Dreadnought hull itself.

Estranged
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Estranged

I just have to know.

Estranged
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Estranged

I really want to smell it.

Zander
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Zander

Everyone has a fetish.

Estranged
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Estranged

Zander, I have several, but who is counting?

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