Hey there, folks, it’s your favorite neighborhood everything salesman, Big Ron! Are you looking for great deals on appliances, automobiles, and furniture? Then come on down to Big Ron’s Deal Center! Just follow the bones!
Yes, the bones! We don’t know why they’re there and we don’t know what they come from, but if you keep on the trail of bleached ribcages with too many rips and femurs that disturbingly human, you’ll wind up at Big Ron’s! This week, we’ve got a great deal on a 2010 Corolla you have to see to believe, Maytag fridges starting at just $500, and an ominous black shape hovering at the edge of the property with glowing red eyes that seem to split and recombine! It’s probably harmless!
That’s Big Ron’s Deal Center, located off of route 423 and easily found by following the unidentifiable string of animal remains that litter the roadways, thicker and thicker until you get here! And if you’re the one putting all of the bones on our route, please let us know down in What Are You Playing. We’re going to call the cops. Otherwise, just tell us your weekend plans.