When the cat is doing nothing: [Cat’s name], hello! Hello, [cat’s name]!
When the cat needs to be fed: [Cat’s name], nummers! Nummy-nums! Kitty, num-nums, here kitty.
When the cat is sitting curled up and looks cute: Sir.
When the cat does not respond to being called sir: Excuse me, sir.
When the cat is being particularly ridiculous: Sir!
When the cat is walking on you: Sir, really? Really, sir? Is this necessary, sir? Do you [pause briefly to allow cat to step on your chest] require assistance, sir? Your call is very important to us, sir. What do you need, sir? Sir? Sir?
When it is time to write in this week’s What Are You Playing but the cat is preventing you from reaching the keyboard: Really, sir? Sir?