humor

WRUP: How to make bird walk edition

Hello and being welcome to What Are You Playing, column that is for creating most excellent guide on subject of common knowledge to human beings which is also written by actual real human being too. Today column subject focus on how to make bird walk in good walk pattern for movement because human limbs are bad for walk.

First is be find bird. Bird should be more big than human, not more small. More small is bad. Once is finding bird, place two simple human leg over bird back and say in language of bird, “You are now my walk maker.” Bird will peck and scream so much. So much. So much. Why is bird angry? We are using human leg. Frustrating!

Bird is still outside doing so many scream. We do not know how to make bird walk. Tell us how to make bird walk. So many scream from bird. Help us. Help us make bird walk.

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Massively OP Podcast Episode 170: Mild West Online

On this week’s show, Bree and Justin do their darndest to shape the MMO industry by holding up Wild West Online as a cautionary tale and talking about how studios need to think before applying real-world labels to games.

It’s the Massively OP Podcast, an action-packed hour of news, tales, opinions, and gamer emails! And remember, if you’d like to send in your own letter to the show, use the “Tips” button in the top-right corner of the site to do so.

Listen to the show right now:

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WRUP: The act edition

Move an object from one place to another. Get from one place to another. Avoid being touched by this object.

It all seems so simple, when you look at it from the right angle. Everything’s simple until it isn’t. And when it isn’t, it’s suddenly impossible. You start to break down the moments of the act, the minute expressions, and you realize that it all looked simple because you were focused on the goals. No one was struggling because they misunderstood the goals; the goals were obvious. They struggled because those goals were genuinely difficult to achieve.

Sometimes it’s hard to get an object from one place to another. Fortunately, replying to What Are You Playing looks and is easy. Maybe writing this looks easy, too. I couldn’t tell you.

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Massively OP Podcast Episode 169: Farscape and RuneScape

On this week’s show, Bree and Justin look ahead at the next generation of MMORPGs in development while saying farewell to a couple of the old guard. It’s a podcast full of conspiracies, time magic, debates over subscriptions, and way too much talk about Farscape!

It’s the Massively OP Podcast, an action-packed hour of news, tales, opinions, and gamer emails! And remember, if you’d like to send in your own letter to the show, use the “Tips” button in the top-right corner of the site to do so.

Listen to the show right now:

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WRUP: Skeedily-bop edition

Bop, beedy bop, beedy skeedle bop, bebop, bebop, bap! Bap-a-bap-bap, bappy bap, bap, bap, skeedily-bap, skeedily-bop! Skeedily-bop doop do do do, bap bop bap! Bap! Bap! Skeedle bap! Bappity bap, wicky wap bap bop bop doop do do do, do do skee-bop bap bap bap, skeedily-bop! Skeedily-bop! Skeedily-bop wheedle wheedle wheedle wee, bap bap do!

Skee-bop bop do, do, do, wheedle skeedy bop bap doodle skeep deedle skeep, skeep, skeep beedle bop whee-whee-whee bop bap do, do, skeedily-bop! Bop bap skeedle-skeedle whee, skeedle whee bop skeedle bap skeedle bop, do di skeedle bop wheedle bop skeedily-do! Skeedly-di! Skeedily-bop!

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk. Leave your What Are You Playing comments down below.

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Massively OP Podcast Episode 168: MMOs all higgledy-piggledy

On this week’s show, Bree and Justin go western for Wild West Online’s release date, sci-fi for EVE Online’s employment woes, fantasy for World of Warcraft’s expansion testing, and goofy for pretty much everything else.

It’s the Massively OP Podcast, an action-packed hour of news, tales, opinions, and gamer emails! And remember, if you’d like to send in your own letter to the show, use the “Tips” button in the top-right corner of the site to do so.

Listen to the show right now:

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WRUP: Owning a cat vs. owning a jackhammer edition

Cat downsides: Will not break through pavement unless it was really expensive and you would prefer it did not. No standard pneumatic hookups. Few professional cat operators. Makes noise when it wants to. Consists of very small amounts of metal. Does not attract people who are “into” construction equipment. Boxes of poop.

Jackhammer downsides: “Cuddling” and “bunting” from a jackhammer is usually fatal. Far heavier to carry around. Will not give mommy or daddy “kisses,” or if it does, said kisses will require hospitalization. Does not attract people who are “into” soft affectionate animals. Expensive. Boxes of poop.

What Are You Playing downsides: None. Participate in the comments.

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Conan Exiles is being brought to Asian territories (to the tune of ‘Beauty and the Beast’)

Korea and Japan are places you can game,
Singapore, Hong Kong, Thailand and Taiwan;
Ignoring them is lame.

As Conan Exiles moves closer to release,
Funcom has revealed a localizing deal,
Conan’s going east.

On PlayStation 4,
Also on PC,
Digital in form
Each one will conform
To May 8th’s release…

There’s naught that’s been said on content that might change;
Release date in Japan is still not fully planned,
But “summer” will not change.

Folks across the world will hopefully be pleased;
Build a house that’s long, maybe see a dong,
Conan’s going east.
Build a house that’s long, maybe see a dong,
Conan’s going east.

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Massively OP Podcast Episode 167: Daybreaking news

On this special edition of the podcast, Justin and Bree lay out the Daybreak fiasco, taking you through the events of the last three days, and contemplating the future for this once-great studio.

It’s the Massively OP Podcast, an action-packed hour of news, tales, opinions, and gamer emails! And remember, if you’d like to send in your own letter to the show, use the “Tips” button in the top-right corner of the site to do so.

Listen to the show right now:


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Massively OP Podcast Episode 166: Russia breaks the internet

On this week’s show, Bree and Justin dive into the Russia gaming crisis, tackle a trio of significant MMO patches, and celebrate the coming of a cute-looking title. Plus there’s always those challenging community podcast questions to keep them occupied!

It’s the Massively OP Podcast, an action-packed hour of news, tales, opinions, and gamer emails! And remember, if you’d like to send in your own letter to the show, use the “Tips” button in the top-right corner of the site to do so.

Listen to the show right now:

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Impressions of Project Gorgon from an Asheron’s Call player

It’s finally time for me talk about Project Gorgon as a released product. As you might have guessed, I was avoiding the game prior to launch. I’ve spoken out against early access a lot and have realized that, at this point in my gaming/career, playing games I’m passionate too early can be a threat to both work and play. I wanted a relationship with PG, but I didn’t want to rush into anything pre-release. I wanted it as complete as possible.

MJ’s streamed it a bunch of times, including the day before launch. Eliot’s comments from his pre-release CMA feel spot on still post-release. However, as the resident old-man Asheron’s Call fan with a review copy, I think I can add a few comments about how Project Gorgon compares to AC1&2, plus how developer Eric Heimburg’s infused PG in AC-esque ways.

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WRUP: I overslept and my office is filled with firewood edition

Ah, Saturday, you noble day when I basically forget about time. Nothing I have to do today. Nothing much, anyway. I should check out the comments to What Are You Playing when I get up.

What did I do for What Are You Playing this week, anyhow? What sort of joke did I…

Oh no. No, no, no, all right, up we go, excuse me cat, out of the way, I have to pretend to be on time. Oh, no, people are going to think this was a thing about Friday but that isn’t it, that wouldn’t even give me a hangover, how is it now? All right, upstairs, I’m here, I…

Why is my office filled with firewood? No. No, we’re not doing this. I don’t need all this firewood. Someone else can figure this out [Bree, let me finish this joke or change it before Saturday -E]

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WRUP: How to speak to a cat edition

When the cat is doing nothing: [Cat’s name], hello! Hello, [cat’s name]!

When the cat needs to be fed: [Cat’s name], nummers! Nummy-nums! Kitty, num-nums, here kitty.

When the cat is sitting curled up and looks cute: Sir.

When the cat does not respond to being called sir: Excuse me, sir.

When the cat is being particularly ridiculous: Sir!

When the cat is walking on you: Sir, really? Really, sir? Is this necessary, sir? Do you [pause briefly to allow cat to step on your chest] require assistance, sir? Your call is very important to us, sir. What do you need, sir? Sir? Sir?

When it is time to write in this week’s What Are You Playing but the cat is preventing you from reaching the keyboard: Really, sir? Sir?

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