Pathetic mortal creatures with your moist flesh and sloughing skin! It is I, “Crazy” Kak-asha, of Kak-asha’s Discount Goods Emporium, the store you continue to tell your friends is “run by a werewolf or something!” Clearly, your fragile brains of pulsing meat are unable to comprehend the true beauty of my immaculate form, for the evidence lies before you! Could a werewolf offer you savings like this? I doubt it! I have supped upon their brittle bones and drained the very essence from their squalling souls, and they know nothing of the secrets of the universe… or discounts!
This week at Kak-asha’s Discount Goods Emporium, get Slaughtered Orb Breakfast Cereal at the low price of $2.99 for a family-sized box! You can also obtain the fresh meat of a suckling lamb for only $5.99 per bloody pound, and the tender sugar-filled pods of your apple trees may be obtained for simply $1.99 per pound! Let us know what you are playing, you unfathomably fragile creatures with your eyeblink lives, in this week’s installment of What Are You Playing. Then come in for savings, and stop calling me a werewolf. It hurts my feelings.
I have feelings, yes. And perceptions that stretch into dimensions that would bring you endless agony.