WRUP: All of the sports edition

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Sports! A surprising number of people who were shoved into lockers in high school like them anyway. They can be confusing, though, so here’s a quick guide to all of the sports. In America, the big ones are Muscular Men with Hats, Tall Men on Wood Floors, Helmet Men Hugging and Shouting, and Cold People Fighting with Sticks. Around the rest of the world, it’s also important to know about Running Men with Kicky Checkered Ball, and some places also like The Insect Game or Tiny Ball on a Too Big Lawn.

There are also people who want video games to be a sport, usually Warcraft III Mod With More Cheesecake or Warcraft III Mod With Other People’s Religions or Pixar’s Team Fortress 2. These people like to pretend that these are totally different from the sports they don’t like, usually Helmet Men Hugging and Shouting. It’s still all sports, though, so they’re the same thing.

All sports have the same basic structure. Everyone goes into the Sport Place, and then Excited Man and Laughing Man watch and tell people who are watching the sport game what is happening in the sport game. So, for example, one man will hit the ball in Muscular Men with Hats, and then Excited Man will shout that he hit the ball while Laughing Man agrees. Tell us about your favorite sports in the comments of this week’s What Are You Playing! Also what you’re playing this weekend.

Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): I’ll probably do some Hearthstone on top of my usual Pokémon Go regiment. It’s probably counter-intuitive to my local scene’s metagame, but I want to evolve a bunch of Espeon and Umbreon, since I noticed a gap in my psychic attackers department and have found Umbreon a solid dark type (and the most awesome).

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Cleaning. I’m going to turn it into an MMO. The more I clean, the more my faction standing with next weekend’s guests increases! Nah, really I’ll probably be playing some Guild Wars 2 again, farming the Super Adventure Box a bit!

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): I’m slowly working through my second playthrough of Mass Effect: Andromeda between preparing for the next Final Fantasy XIV expansion and working on Black Desert. Also, I think the nearest Toys’R’Us has the Chaos on Velocitron box set? I need my Nautica.

Justin Olivetti (@Sypster, blog): I’m working doggedly to get my Legionfall reputation up in World of Warcraft to get flying once more, but this will depend on the invasion schedule. I have loads to do in Lord of the Rings Online’s new Wastes zone, and in the absence of The Secret World for the time being, I’m mulling over dipping into another MMO for some flavor. No idea what, however.

Your turn!


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Malcolm Swoboda

Pretty much all Mass Effect: Andromeda. I’m about 3/4 through the main content, 2/3 through total content (doing a lot of side travel), and grinding Bronze in MP until I feel I have that initial solid basis of progression (character, gear, levels) then I’ll see if I’ll progress to Silver later on while waiting for patches and content.

Its the biggest disappointment of a ME to me yet, but still enjoyable enough to me to keep me in the franchise. It really is like a ‘ME4’ that because of several circumstances, is more of a ‘Neo ME1’ that tries to emulate the better parts of ME2-ME3 but never hits the mark in that. If actually properly updated and with great newer content, sure it could be more in the quality range of the last couple games. A shame, but also a potential start of something better.

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Alfredo Garcia

Battlefield 1 on private hardcore servers (with full 200% bullet damage) and a little Atlas Reactor as I try to finish off the last chapter in Season 2.

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Helmet Men Hugging and Shouting 2017 releases on the Sega Box next week!


Pretty much Persona 5 most of the time. Kinda shopping around for an MMO at the moment .. which in my case means thinking of a handful I’d like to try out to see what sticks, but not doing the legwork to bother downloading/updating and hopping in.
Still making headway with Final Fantasy Tactics. I’m enjoying it a lot, though I’m looking forward to getting back to my true love, the Tactics Ogre/Ogre Battle series.


Probably some Mass Effect Andromeda, ESO, Breath of the Wild, MUD stuff, and who knows what else.

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I’m playing Overwatch and Ghost Recon: Wildlands, and for the first time ever, Dwarf Fortress. I found an awesome tutorial here that includes a pre-made save file using the Lazy Newb Pack, and it really helped me. I didn’t finish before I started my own game, but once i figured out the basics, I could actually make sense of the game. I’m enjoying the hell out of it.


After a long break, I’m back in LOTRO. At first I was really enjoying it, mainly because the world building is still excellent (questing through Far Anórien, atm).

But then I got more and more frustrated, because
1. abysmal client performance. Lotro’s graphics performance was always poor, but the stuttering I have atm is insane. And laaag. And I’m not even using my war steed.
2. crashes. Within two hours the client froze my entire system twice, so that I had to turn it off by holding the power button pressed for a few secs. To avoid the crashes I began restarting the client on a regular basis. Helped with the crashes but not the overall performance.
3. broken progression. I entered my current questing area at exactly the correct level but soon became underlevelled. There are far too few quests (or not enough xp per quest).
4. quest design. They seem to have increased the amount of pointless running back and forth and added some blockers here and there (for example, 4-5 mobs guarding a quest item, and this in a solo quest). Together with 2. this means I’m pretty much stuck. I could grind skirmishes or buy xp boost, but nope.
5. many small bugs, like sun suddenly moving from day light to night in a matter of a few seconds; quests not advancing; npcs floating above ground.

idk, maybe I’m doing something wrong. I still love the game for all the great time I had in this world, but atm I can’t imagine questing through Mordor with the game being in this state.

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Not sure what to suggest but hope you figure things and get to enjoy the game some :-)


For MMOs, just a bit of GW2 and the super adventure box.
It’s fun and all, but I really dislike the tribulation mode and its “I wanna be the guy” approach to platforming. It’s just lame to die on invisible traps when you know where they are hidden… but still fuck up because collisions and MMOs is a dubious partnership at best.

Outside of that, I played The Witness.
And… this is maybe my biggest disappointment in gaming. I loved Braid, my favourite puzzle game ever, smart and always adding more to a simple concept beautifully executed.
But in The Witness… it’s polished, looks good, explains very well the mechanics and… then you realize that it’s all the mechanics that you’ll get for what, 15 hours?
Goddamn maze puzzles. It’s not very interesting to begin with, but it’s just more and more of them each time… some use the environment, so cool, look at rocks and shadow and stuff… and complete twenty or thirty copy paste maze puzzles in each zone.

I mean, what the fuck? Everything ingame is just small mazes served in batches of a dozen or more with the same gimmick… it activates a machine and you’re done with the zone. Next.
Only played for a few hours, and gave up. I watched the ending by curiosity… but no, they don’t explain what the fuck the island is, what were those statues or anything. There’s just no lore at all, it’s a mobile maze game sold for $40 (originally).
What a joke.
Without even talking about the “secret” ending which might be the worst “twist” (and that’s generous for such a stupid idea that I hadn’t seen since Super Mario 2) to ever appear in a commercial game.

At least I know not to bother with Jonathan Blow’s new games.

Nick Smith

Lots of Elder Scrolls Online
a bit of Cloud Pirates
Some Trove
and some Atlas Reactor

But mainly, ESO. Double exp woohoo!

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Rees Racer

ESO 3rd anniversary festivities, of course. Still enjoying TERA quite a bit, although not certain the new Valkyrie class will be needed to replace my beloved Warrior for melee activities, or my favoured Gunner, presently.

Speaking of sport, and specifically the “Tiny Ball on a Too Big Lawn”, it is the weekend for The Masters, so despite to horrific hours it airs live here in the middle of the night, I’m watching whilst playing Winning Putt, which I’ve really grown to love.

The game now has an auction house, clubs to enchant, clothes and costumes to upgrade, and a remarkably acceptable/accurate physics system.