WRUP: Optimal speedrunning notes for every game edition

    
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Hunt that moon, you crazy weirdos.

Create your character with the “Passionate Hatred of Euclidean Geometry” disadvantage; this will prevent you from walking in straight lines, but since you will be side-strafing while jumping the whole time, it won’t matter. Use the extra generation points to pump up your mass, then when the tutorial starts up, kill your father with a spoon and run into the corner of the room to glitch position detection and become a supermassive singularity.

From here, your goal is to speed-strafe across broken map segments and throw two brooms at the fifth boss so that the game will think you’re a goat, thus allowing you to rise through the floor into the floating city and kill the final boss using Goat Magic. Research is still needed to know if the black fire bombs can be used to successfully hack out of the tumbling sequence. If you wish to do a no-glitch speedrun, do the same thing and say it was an accident. Post your best times in What Are You Playing.

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’d say I’m in a rut, but I’m having actual fun in Star Wars Galaxies Legends, so I’ll definitely be in there this weekend. Harvesters and the like, but I’m also trying to flesh out my vendor stock a bit because, well, the hotcakes are selling like hotcakes. Need to make more hotcakes. Meanwhile, I’ve backburnered Trove until Gamigo figures out what the heck it’s doing. I get that they took over in a hurry and have a lot of catch-up work to do, but it feels like the game is bleeding players in the meantime, and I’m just gonna take a step back until it’s sorted.

Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): This weekend is looking pretty much all over the map for me, honestly. I jumped on ARK: Survival Evolved’s recent sale so I might prepare myself a bit with that game before I join in with MJ on my personal quest to pet all the dinos. There’s still some levels to earn and gear to gather in MapleStory 2. There’s also leveling and MSQ to be done on my healer character in Final Fantasy XIV. Oh, and I also went ahead and got World of Final Fantasy Maxima so I’ll probably be replaying that one with the new stuff. All in all, a pleasantly busy weekend, methinks!

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): I’ve got my usual stuff in Final Fantasy XIV and my wife and I are still having fun in Pokemon Go together, but my major focus will probably be getting ahead with my NaNoWriMo project. I’ve done this two years running so far; we’re on track for a third year, but my trip next week will make it a bit more complicated.

Justin Olivetti (@Sypster, blog): Gonna be a full weekend of legendary server leveling in Lord of the Rings Online, no doubt about that. I also joined a pretty cool guild in Star Wars: The Old Republic that’s given me even more incentive to play there.

Your turn!

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