SCUM introduces genital customization, hilarity ensues

    
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It’s a wild time to be alive, friends. The latest update to Gamepires’s open-world survival game SCUM was full of new features, including bow hunting, craftable trophies, and musical instruments, but all of these are somehow eclipsed by the addition of fully nude character models, complete with genital customization. Perhaps it’s best if we let the patch notes explain:

Also, we added a slider for your phallus. The default size is 4 inches and you can increase [it] to [a] maximum [of] 8 or decrease it to the lowest at 1 inch. As with everything in SCUM, this attribute is connected so if you add points into length it will reduce available attribute points and if you reduce the size you will gain more attribute points to be used elsewhere.

That’s right: You can spend attribute points at character creation to make your character better-endowed. And in perhaps the most bizarre example of giving backers additional advantages to date, players who have purchased the SCUM Supporter Pack “start with an extra 2 inches.”

But wait, it gets even better (or worse, depending on your perspective): The introduction of this feature didn’t go exactly according to plan, leading to a bug where players’ unmentionables would get progressively larger with each successive log-in. The bug has since been patched, becoming what we can only assume is the first known instance of a phallic nerf.

If for some reason that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about SCUM’s latest update, you can check out the full patch notes on the game’s official Steam page.

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Toy Clown

Ding dong!

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Crowe

Gampires touched his tra la la.

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Hikari Kenzaki

I’ll never hear/see the phrase “Supporter Package” the same, again.

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Bryan Correll

I have one really important question: Where the hell is Eliot? He should be all over the comments on this one.

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Robert Mann

Never before have so many men actively tried to have a small dong…

I can only picture that as the result of tying to attributes. You know the trolls, they are the only ones with more than 1 or 3 inches (that backer bonus if it can’t be sold off). And that’s a whole nother thought on how wrong this is.

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Utakata

…with that logic then all the nice folks are hung like horses? o.O

I don’t think genitalia sizes have little correlation to posting behaviors. It’s take all sorts, as my Mother would say. :)

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Robert Mann

No, it’s the trolls with the big ones. Because the stats aren’t important to them. Not so true to real life as a rule.

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Bryan Correll

My first WoW character was a Troll, and that’s definitely true. Course, he’d also have been about nine feet tall if he stood up straight.

Celestia
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Celestia

And all this time I thought the “P” in P2W stood for “Play”.

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Crowe

Nice!

Alex Js.
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Alex Js.

I wish more MMORPG games like FFXIV would add such options, and an ability to remove underwear. For RP purposes ;-)

I’m just kidding, of course. Or maybe not ;-)

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starbuck1771

So far I only can think of a couple. Conan , Mortal Online, and a Roman game I can’t remember the name of.

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Bruno Brito

This game is too damn good.

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Bryan Correll

If you go for the smaller size you should get the “Compensating For Something” buff.

players who have purchased the SCUM Supporter Pack “start with an extra 2 inches”

So there is a male enhancement product that actually works!

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Maggie May

Maybe they get a bigger sword!

ozarubaba
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ozarubaba

I get the thing about the dick and its size, it’s a cultural hmm “how-should-we-put-it”.

But I didn’t see anything mentioned in the article (or the comments) about the female version?

Do they get a larger or smaller vagina ? And how does that “tie in” with other attributes ?

Reason I ask is that having a large cock means a lot to men these days, having a small or large vagina? oO

Or do they not have female “Scum”?

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Sorenthaz

Iirc female models aren’t in the game yet.

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Bryan Correll

Wow, this game really is a sausage party.

Mewmew
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Mewmew

I’m not usually one that finds this kind of stuff funny, but I would find it highly amusing if they had a female slider for vagina size. I’m guessing if they do add female characters, it will have to do with Breast Size rather than a slider for a giant vagina though.

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Fervor Bliss

How much is body dysmorphia?