It’s a wild time to be alive, friends. The latest update to Gamepires’s open-world survival game SCUM was full of new features, including bow hunting, craftable trophies, and musical instruments, but all of these are somehow eclipsed by the addition of fully nude character models, complete with genital customization. Perhaps it’s best if we let the patch notes explain:
Also, we added a slider for your phallus. The default size is 4 inches and you can increase [it] to [a] maximum [of] 8 or decrease it to the lowest at 1 inch. As with everything in SCUM, this attribute is connected so if you add points into length it will reduce available attribute points and if you reduce the size you will gain more attribute points to be used elsewhere.
That’s right: You can spend attribute points at character creation to make your character better-endowed. And in perhaps the most bizarre example of giving backers additional advantages to date, players who have purchased the SCUM Supporter Pack “start with an extra 2 inches.”
But wait, it gets even better (or worse, depending on your perspective): The introduction of this feature didn’t go exactly according to plan, leading to a bug where players’ unmentionables would get progressively larger with each successive log-in. The bug has since been patched, becoming what we can only assume is the first known instance of a phallic nerf.
If for some reason that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about SCUM’s latest update, you can check out the full patch notes on the game’s official Steam page.