Super Mario’s Underwhelming Adventure (Super Nintendo, 1991)
Mama mia! Bowser has kidnapped Princess Peach… sort of! She’s actually already free and said that Bowser seems kind of depressed, like his heart’s not really in this one. Hop very occasionally and sort of bop through 64 levels of ambivalent enemy placement, too much generosity with power-ups, and apathetic bosses until you face off against the m
Mario Teaches Basic Tax Filing (PC-CDROM, 1993)
It’s time to pay-a the taxes the fun way with the Mario cast! Learn the basics of filing your 1040 while being introduced to concepts like standard deductions, earned income credit, household requirements, and begging the auditor not to throw you in prison because you relied on financial advice from Yoshi the dinosaur.
Mario & Friends: Misery With Numbers (Nintendo 64, 1998)
Can you count? How about multiplying? Let Mario and friends completely fail to make numbers fun in this unenjoyable educational slog that will not only fail to make your kids learn numbers the fun way but will also make even older people question whether they know a damn thing about basic mathematics with its tedious, unclear, and interest-draining explanations and minigames!
Paper Mario What Are You Playing (Game Boy Advance, 2001)
Just… so much origami nudity. Why is there so much of this?
Mario Is Eating Your Cereal (Nintendo Wii, 2010)
Mario is literally inside of your kitchen and eating your cereal. Let’s-a go (to eat someone else’s food)!
Bonus question: What piece of furniture do you find yourself having to replace most often?
Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Pokemon Go is getting some major time. I cleaned up a lot to earn my Sunday Earth Day rewards! Monster Hunter Rise is getting a lot of action too as I try to make a good talisman. I’m so loot hungry, haha.
Um, furniture replacement? Probably my mattress, if that counts.
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’m scattered this weekend. I still have some prepwork to do in Star Wars Galaxies Legends ahead of Bespin. I started Cozy Grove last weekend and I want to get a little further in there. And City of Heroes Homecoming just busted out a patch I’d really like to play around with, especially the travel power changes. If I only get to one, it’ll probably be CoH. We’ll see.
One-to-one replacements… rugs. Kids are really hard on rugs. They don’t last more than a few years.
Carlo Lacsina (@UltraMudkipEX, YouTube, Twitch): I’ll be playing some Valorant and League of Legends this weekend! I need to brush up on my skills since I’m an e-sports coach now. I’ll also be driving to Southern California for a little outing so not much gaming for the weekend but I’ll squeeze it in if I can get some time.
I get very attached to furniture and have a hard time with getting rid of old furniture. So I rarely replace anything. If anything, electronics and computers get replaced more than anything else!
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): The usual Final Fantasy XIV antics along with reviewing a game on the PlayStation 4, along with finishing some moving around in the house. It’ll be a busy weekend, but a good one.
I have the absolute worst luck with computer chairs. Somehow they never seem to last longer than a couple of years with me if that.
Tyler Edwards (blog): I’ve started playing The Outer Worlds this week. It’s pretty fun. Kind of like Bioshock meets Mass Effect meets Futurama. I’m also planning at least one D&D session, possibly two, and continuing to grind in Magic: Legends.
Bonus question: Replace… furniture? I’ve had the same computer desk since I was eight, and my dresser is older than I am. I have replaced my computer chair a few times over the years, so I guess that.