As a natural law, it is accepted by all people of good character that any group of people, whether a professional gathering or a simple gaggle of chums, has at least one person who is the bilge vent, the vile dumpster port upon this miserable wretch of a world. Here are some tips to identify the bilge vent in your group:
- Does he occasionally emit gouts of water from his ankles that had gathered in the soles of his shoes? That’s a good sign.
- Does his name start with a T? Usually it’s a guy whose name starts with a T. Like Tim, Tim is a good name for a bilge vent. Or maybe it’s Travis. I cannot explain to you all of the worthless bilge vents I’ve know named Travis. No one should ever be named Travis!
- Do his ears hang low?
- Does he tell everyone to meet him someplace for bagels and talk a lot about how good the bagels are going to be, but he’s late in showing up and the store sells out of bagels and he blames you for not getting the bagels even though he said, he said you were all going to buy your bagels together and this is just like the time at the cupcake store where he said to just buy cupcakes without him but then he got majorly pissy about you buying your cupcakes and just why are you like this, Travis?
Anyway it’s Travis. Was it Travis? It was some T-thing, I know that. Travis. Anyhow, What Are You Playing, let’s do some… video game.
Note: If your name is Travis we would ask that you please find and replace all instances of the name “Travis” with the name “Fitzwilliam-Dingus.” Thank you.
Bonus question: What’s your most frequently reoccurring computer frustration?
Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Pokemon Go, Nintendo Switch Sports, and Ring Fit Adventure are on the menu for sure. I’m slowing down in Orna so I’ll log in, but I feel like it’s finally time to make some big investments in my armor, which means days long timers, ugh. I might finally have time for more than one Overwatch 2 match, or maybe finally finish Chrono Cross’ visual novel (I’m so bad at finishing single player games these days).
Loud fans and unfull battery. I use a gaming laptop that was cheap but really needs the extra fan, but since both are loud and almost constantly, running, when I leave the house in a hurry, the computer is off, but I leave the fan on. Now the world knows my secret shame.
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Not gonna have a ton of time this weekend, but I’ll probably try to get in a little more of the Lord of the Rings Online anniversary before the event is over. I’m a little frustrated with the lack of clarity on how the Star Wars Galaxies Legends farming system works, and I don’t have the patience or time to test five million things For Science, so I’ve just decided to wait until the smartest of the smarties figure it all out.
My PC case has its reset button in a very dumb place, so if I’m not careful, I can smash my knee into it and have a fun impromptu reboot. I made a little wooden piece to cover it and avoid that, but sometimes it happens anyway.
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself in terms of gaming. I kind of want to give X4 a swing, but mostly I just want to sleep. I’m extremely lethargic.
Dust. Especially on the machine I have now because the case I have has these dust screens that are meant to try and capture the majority of the dust before it gets to the components, but all that ends up happening is that they can get blocked, which means my machine gets choked out, so when performance stutters start to happen I have to figure out which of these stupid filters is asphyxiating my machine.
Any system that I’ve been using for a few years has almost certainly developed a few weird quirks that make absolutely no sense to me, are caused by nothing I can find, and make using the computer weirder than it has to be. Like, my current computer likes to occasionally defocus the window I’m using for no readily apparent reason, just… on a whim. I’m not even trying to do anything weird with my system any more! Why do you develop these quirks, strange lightning box? Why do you do this to me?
Bonus: I think my PC is beginning to show it’s age or maybe the SSD is dying. Sometimes just opening a folder will take a few seconds and each second of that feels like an eternity.