WRUP: My rejected series pitches for new Star Trek spinoff shows edition

    
15
SPAAAAAAAACE

Star Trek: The Adventures Of Captain Morn
Remember everyone’s favorite fixture of Deep Space Nine who never had a single line on-screen, always showed up at Quark’s, and looked like he was wearing a snowsuit while all his character development was told to you? Well, now he’s the captain of a starship, and we show him karate-chopping the heck out of people every single week! Still never says a line, though. That’s a running gag at this point.

Star Trek: Middle Decks
Look, everyone who isn’t wrong agrees that Lower Decks is amazing. So why not show the middle decks, where you have people just important enough to have actual officer positions but not important enough to actually speak with the captain at any point? Enjoy hours of pointlessly fiddling in cramped corridors and submitting progress reports!

Star Trek: It Was Always Like This
Are you a fan of the series complaining about how it’s suddenly progressive and inclusive? Then this show is for you! Because it’s just literally old episodes of the series from everything through Voyager in which the producers scream at you that these episodes were making the same points as the modern show but often six decades prior. The morals were always the same! Nothing actually changed.

Star Trek: James T. Kirk Gets Diseases
Honestly this is just an excuse to get Chris Pine back to playing Kirk and watch him cry a lot as he gets diagnosed with various diseases he contracted through an assortment of means.

Star Trek: What Are You Playing
Jonathan Frakes reprises his role as William T. Riker yet again to ensure that he gets to play the role in more shows than Michael Dorn and he asks people what they’re playing like it was an episode of Beyond Belief. Think of the memes!

Bonus question: What game do you find remarkably relaxing to play?

Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): The exercise games are getting attention, especially Pokemon Go for the Go Fest Finale, but hopefully I can sneak in some Splatoon 3 for the Splatfest demo.

My immediate thought was Pokemon Snap or Animal Crossing, but both can have things literally jumping out of bushes. Maybe Orna. Music is pretty peaceful and it’s mostly turn based.

Andy McAdams: Probably continuing to putter around in Guild Wars 2. I’m slowly unlocking Specter on my thief by playing through Path of Fire content, but I’m really torn because I love the way Daredevil plays, but I think a support spec would be really fun too; I’m missing doing the healing and support thing. So maybe Specter and some world boss fun, or even WvW fun could fill that void?

Relaxing game: I would say probably one of two – Stardew Valley (to the surprise of literally no one) and Rimworld, weirdly enough. That game can be uber stressful, but also remarkably zen.

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’ll in Lord of the Rings Online this weekend, and probably some City of Heroes. I’m wrapping up my endless festival grind and turning back to actual gameplay, and gosh Rohan is well-written. There are so many zones I’ve never seen ahead of me, and I am just gleeful about it.

Definitely LOTRO, but really anything tab-target that isn’t overly vertical. I guess most of the MMOs I’ve been playing the last few years, with the exception of New World and Albion Online, are pretty relaxing, as that’s a large part of why I currently play them. I have enough stress!

Carlo Lacsina (@UltraMudkipEX, YouTube, Twitch): I’ll be playing some Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time! I’m talking about the N64 version emulated for the Switch. The one you can find in their N64 online catalogue. Never beat it as a kid, and its part of my bucket list.

Coincidently, I found it very relaxing. Good music, steady pace, and interesting world. So I’ve been playing it just to hang out in Kakariko village.

Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): My primary focus will be continuing to slowly grow my Final Fantasy XIV Island Sanctuary, but I’ll be taking breaks to level up my Guild Wars 2 Elementalist and creep forward in the Tower of Fantasy story.

One of my go-to relaxation games is Farming Simulator, but I’d also be remiss if I didn’t also mention Mixolumia, Little Witch in the Woods, and perhaps counter-intuitively Monster Hunter Rise, though that last one often depends on the tasks I set out to do or my mood at the moment. What can I say? Hammer mastery and monster slaying soothes.

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): It’s very important to do new patch stuff in Final Fantasy XIV, which of course means “setting up weeks of automated production on my Island Sanctuary as I grow and harvest.” It’s relaxing content for you to take at your own pace, and my own pace is setting mammets up to fund my need for cosmetic gear. Very important.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of quick jaunts in various versions of Tetris just going for the 100 line challenge, not for world record attempts or anything but just for my own satisfaction. I find it oddly soothing. Also very fond of calmly grinding away while watching things in games that allow that.

Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I’ll be a bit lighter this weekend than initially expected but I’ll make some time for MultiVersus. I just can’t get enough of pwning players higher leveled than me.

Bonus: Actually the single player game I’m in right now is remarkably calming. Fae Tactics is like other tactics games. It’s almost like playing a single player board game. It’s a chill experience and much different from my typical twitchy games.

Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
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