IN THE YEAR 1954, THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, WAS SUMMONED BY A PORTAL INTO THE MYSTICAL LAND OF HAMWAFFLE. HAMWAFFLE’S KING, WHO WAS ALSO NAMED DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER BUT WAS NOT TECHNICALLY THE SAME DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, WAS UNDER ATTACK BY THE DARK LORD DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER WHO WAS IN THIS CASE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE VERSION OF DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER FROM OUR UNIVERSE. ONLY BY HAVING DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, THE ONE FROM OUR UNIVERSE, FIGHT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, THE EVIL OVERLORD, COULD DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, THE ONE WHO WAS A KING BUT NOT A PARALLEL VERSION OF THE PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, RETAIN HIS KINGDOM. SUMMONING THE MIGHTY SWORD JAMES K. POLK, WHICH IS AN ACTUAL REINCARNATION OF JAMES K. POLK, DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, THE PRESIDENT, WAIT, NO, SORRY, I GOT MESSED UP, THIS WAS THE DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER WHO WAS A KING, AND HE SUMMONED JAMES K. POLK, NOT THE SWORD THIS TIME, THE SWORD WAS THERE TOO, THIS JAMES K. POLK WAS THE GREATEST WIZARD OF HAMWAFFLE. HE WOULD CAST A SPELL KNOWN AS DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, WHICH ALLOWED JAMES K. POLK, THE WIZARD VERSION, WAIT, SORRY, NO, THIS WAS THE SWORD VERSION THAT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER SUMMONED, AND THEN HE GAVE THE SWORD TO DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, HOLD ON, I HAVE TO CHECK MY NOTES AGAIN I COMPLETELY LOST TRACK HERE, LOOK WE’RE JUST GOING TO CALL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER FROM OUR UNIVERSE DWIGHT PRIME, AND THEN WE’LL CALL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER THE KING DWIGHT SECOND, BUT WAIT, THE SPELL WAS NAMED AFTER DWIGHT PRIME, SO SHOULD WE CALL THE SPELL SOMETHING ELSE, HOLD ON, THIS GETS REALLY COOL IN ABOUT FOUR HOURS.
oh right what are you playing or something
Bonus question: What’s a game, show, or film that you only saw briefly and couldn’t identify again for years on end? (Bonus points if you finally found it.)
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna.bsky.social, blog): I probably won’t have any time to play this weekend – too much chaos going on with guests – but maybe I’ll be able to duck in and at least put up my Lord of the Rings Online auctions. I just won’t have much time for leveling progress of note!
There was this sci-fi movie (?) I had an album for as a kid that for years I was convinced had to be The Dark Crystal. But then a year ago, I watched The Dark Crystal and… that was not it. Now I’m back to square one. My husband thinks it’s The Black Hole movie, and the robots do look familiar, but I could’ve sworn it was a cartoon. Eliot sure does love asking traumatic questions!
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes.bsky.social, blog): This weekend is looking like one of trying to figure things out: I’m going to see if I can’t work through the new Rey Dau fight in Monster Hunter Wilds, try to reacquaint myself with The Elder Scrolls Online, and attempt to puzzle my way through the Ninja class in Final Fantasy XIV. My success is nowhere near assured in any of these endeavors.
Bonus: For the longest time I was trying to remember an old Atari game where the objective was to ride a skateboard through a multi-story maze of a house, turning off all of the electronics you could. At long last, I finally found the title: Super Skateboardin’, which is such a boring name I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised it slipped my mind.
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): Still been cosmically exploring in Final Fantasy XIV (near finishing my second tool), got some farming to do in Warframe, and also I have been going ham on V Rising with the new patch. And all of this is on top of the fact that I have Clair Obscure: Expedition 33 to play. So will I spend a lot of time staring at the ceiling? Of course.
Many moons ago, I had a single time spent with a girl in high school and we played a game on her computer that was, helpfully, titled “That Game” on her hard drive. Needless to say, this is not a title that gives much in the way of information. However, years later I finally managed to track down the game with the help of some friends, which is Traffic Department 2192. It is a weird feeling having that mystery solved.
Sam Kash (@samkash@mastodon.social): I am going to try and play some Earthborne Above Ashes playtest. I meant to get started on it earlier but things just kept pushing it back further and further. I’ll largely be AAFK this week, at least I think so. It’s hard to be sure sometimes. Anyways that’s the plan. In the single-player world, I beat Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon last weekend. That was such a relief. I’m not sure if the final boss was the toughest one or not but it was insane. Next on my playlist is Nine Sols – finally back to some metroidvania. I’m excited and that.
Bonus: I remember watching a movie late at night when I was little that was about kids getting sucked into a board game. Then Jumanji came out some years later and I was sure that I’d already seen it, even though it was new. Of course both these events are just memories which means my mind is totally lost. I literally remember watching Jumanji before Jumanji existed. Which of course isn’t possible, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re old and your mind starts to melt thoughts together.
Tyler Edwards (blog): As I’m writing this, I’m finishing up Lost Records: Bloom and Rage, but I’ll probably have that in the rearview by the time the actual weekend rolls around. Not sure what I’ll play next. I’m taking a bit of a detox from MMO grind, so something single-player for sure. Age of Empires II? Demos on Steam? We’ll see.
Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
