The following is a transcript of the conversation on Discord between Bree and Eliot following the conclusion of our April Fools’ day joke. This transcript was started at 9:03 p.m. EDT. We are posting it here as evidence and also because it’s a lot easier than actually writing a What Are You Playing entry. All names have been changed to protect the innocent, and as you can tell from the lack of any names changed, no one involved is remotely innocent.
Bree: Yeah, I did it to troll you.
Bree: Glort isn’t a word.
Eliot: But it kind of looks like one, that was the whole point! It’s a running joke! I gave you a whole list of words to use and that was one of them!
Bree: I just wanted to head off the “well actually” in my inbox. I just expanded your list, it’s really not a big deal.
Eliot: Do you think I give the smallest damn about your inbox?
Bree: It would be nice if you did.
Eliot: Do you think I even give a damn about my inbox?!
Bree: Eliot it was seriously an April Fools’ day gag.
Eliot: WHEN ELSE DO I GET TO TELL JOKES ON THIS SITE
Bree: Every single week in WRUP?
Bree: Also at least two or three times in your columns.
Bree: And at least once a month you write a newspost as a song or something.
Eliot: BUT YOU ALWAYS EDIT OUT THE STUFF ABOUT HOW UPSET AND SAD I AM
Bree: Do you know how many emails I get asking if you’re okay?
Eliot: I’M NOT
Bree: I know, Eliot.
Eliot: MY FACE IS MELTING
Bree: Eliot why are you still typing in caps?
Eliot: DOGS DOGS DOGDAD
Bree: I have actual children to deal with. You do know this, right? You’ve met them on multiple occasions.
Eliot: THIS IS GOING UP ONLINE
Eliot: AS MANY AS FIVE READERS WILL CARE
Bree: Eliot please go to sleep and drink liquids.
Eliot died on the way to his glort.
Bonus question: What’s the worst haircut you’ve ever gotten?
​Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Exercise games are getting some love, plus, seriously, I swear I’m gonna finish the Splatoon 3 DLC this weekend! … dang, am I bad about doing single-player content/games.
No joke, my mom didn’t realize that the guard came off while she was cutting the very top of my hair in elementary school, giving me a Friar Tuck cut. She didn’t fix it but claimed it’d be fine, since I was so tall, none of the other kids would be able to see it. Except it rained the next day, and the teachers made the kids sit in the gym, so everyone saw it. Bleh.
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Probably playing Valheim with the fam again, though Justin’s piece on Lord of the Rings Online’s Corsairs of Umbar this weekend has me itching to sink time there again.
Bonus: When I was 10, my mom insisted on getting me a cute little bob, which I absolutely loathed. Grew it out and never did short hair again. Scarred for life. (Although looking back, I know it was cute on me. It just took a lot of work to make it cute. Way more than long hair in a braid or ponytail ever did, mom!)
Just for the record, Eliot totally made up that whole transcript. I am simultaneously way less and way more heartless, as you know.
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): The random return trip into Monster Hunter World has gotten me into those weeds all over again, so that’s likely going to be a regular feature, along with the occasional dips into Helldivers 2, Final Fantasy XIV, and Nightingale.
I think one of the worst haircuts I ever got was this bowl haircut… thing that I got when I was little. Of course I didn’t really have a sense of what was or wasn’t bad, but in hindsight it was a pretty awful look.
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): Got a game to review this weekend and I’ve also had a hankering to dive back into some Mega Man titles for whatever reason. Mix in a bit of FFXIV and that should get me through a couple days, I imagine? Who knows.
I had a rat tail. No, really. I actually wanted to get a rat tail and my mother even tried to talk me out of it, but I would not be deterred. I was fixated on that, which means that there are photos of me with a rat tail. Genuinely. Don’t judge me, it was the late 80s and do you have any idea what a hell it is to be ugly and stupid?!
Justin Olivetti (@Sypster, blog): I’m going to go through the new Gold Road preview quest in The Elder Scrolls Online, hopefully make some good headway on Cardolan in LOTRO, and get to know my new Star Wars: The Old Republic Sith Warrior a bit better.
Mia DeSanzo (@neschria): I will be playing catch-up on news (gaming and otherwise), correspondence, and freelance tasks. My other plans include chilling and recovering from the surgery I had at the beginning of the week. I recently acquired Lethal Company to play with the usual suspects, so that might be something.
Way back in the 90s, I went to give myself an undercut and ended up shaving my whole head after a series of mishaps. Good times.
Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I don’t really know what to play this weekend. There’s a new season of Harry Potter Magic Awakened which I’ll definitely hammer through a bit. I still hate the new UI but I’m learning how to navigate with it. I’ve got some offline boardgame plans of Frosthaven which will prove fun.
Bonus: I don’t know about worst cut ever but last year I needed a quick trim before a conference and even though my cuts are basic they managed to butcher it. The left side of my head was easily over an inch longer then the right. It was pitiful. Lots of pomade was used during that event.
Tyler Edwards (blog): Probably more World of Warcraft. I finished the main story stuff for Dragonflight, so now I can play the real game: Alts. I also bought Godsworn despite my usual antipathy for early access games and might play a bit more of that. I’d like to play some New World, but my main is one of the characters that got run through the Face Mangler in the recent patch, so I’m waiting for them to fix that. Although I guess I could just play my alt…
Bonus question: Hard to top the early onset male pattern baldness my cursed genetics saddled me with.
Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
