Gamer-oriented ‘Gamer Goo’ lotion vows to ‘banish sweaty palms for good’

And we are not even making this up

    
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I didn’t think it was possible to top game-branded Pop-Tarts or candles or bubble tea or Cheez-It, but I was wrong. Today, we got a press release for gamer lotion, and these people are all-in on how ridiculous it sounds. It’s called – wait for it – Gamer Goo, and the company is marketing it as the “world’s only dedicated gaming lotion” intended to “banish sweaty palms for good” with its “specially formulated” chemical design.

“Professional gamers and participants in esports will be all too familiar with the debilitating symptoms which can result from intense gaming, namely a rapid build-up of sweat during heated play. The special formulation only offered by Gamer Goo keeps hands dry, cool and sweat free, allowing the gamer to perform at their best for hours on end. A simple pea-sized application is all that’s needed to keep fresh and one-step-ahead of the competition. Used by many professional gamers, Gamer Goo is the secret weapon to ensuring an edge over the competition, getting to work instantly, drying almost instantly and leaving a layer of protection to blocks sweat and moisture. […] Gamer Goo is designed to improve the gamers grip, as well as increasing accuracy and dexterity by reducing sweat and clammy hands forever. The unique Gamer Goo formula leaves behind no greasy or damaging residue and won’t damage controllers, keyboards, mice or accessories.”

Fun fact y’all don’t know about me: I’ve got super dry hands and a wild list of allergies, so I know a thing or two about these kinds of products and what makes them work (versus what makes them break me out in hives). I took a peek at the ingredients to see what’s up here. Here’s the list for Gamer Goo Orange.

“D.I Water, Isopropyl Alcohol, Maranta Arundinacea (Arrowroot) Root Powder, Silica, Glycerin, Xanthan Gum, Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil, Phenoxyethanol (and) Methylparaben (and) Ethylparaben (and) Propylparaben (and) Butylparaben (and) Isobutylparaben, Magnesium Aluminum Silicate, Eucalyptus Globulus Leaf Oil.”

OK, so this ingredient list? It’s not actually bullshit. Between the arrowroot and all the silicones in here, you’re basically putting a makeup primer on your hands. It’ll probably work to minimize sweat and oil on your palms (or anywhere else you’re sweaty, ahem). I wouldn’t put it on your face, especially if you’re sensitive to peppermint or eucalyptus oils, and you’ll still need a real lotion for the rest of your hands, and you’ll need to keep reapplying this every time you wash your hands (which you should do extra when using this!), but hey, it’ll do what it says it will at least.

Then again, so would an untinted dimethicone makeup primer (look for one that says “matte” or “for oily skin”) or even a chafing powder-gel from the drugstore (seriously). But then you wouldn’t get to crack up your fellow gamers with your $13 tube of Gamer Goo, which let’s be honest is the real goal here.

So there you go. I started this post to tease it, but it’s actually not the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. This video is, though.

Source: Official site, press release

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Freddy
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Freddy

The name itself sounds terrible.

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Ailsa Nordstrom

I have the opposite problem: my extremities get ice cold while gaming.

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Jack Pipsam

Reminds me of Gamer Grub, that product I saw online which was like “Oh you can eat out of the package so you don’t get your controllers sticky” of which I thought, well you can just put nuts or any food in a container of your own and get the same result lol.

This also reminds me slightly of how at the moment in Australia you can get Xbox branded Lynx products.

lynx-xbox-2.jpg
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Bryan Correll

I believe my palms are the least sweaty part of me.

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Mark

Meh, I give mine away for free

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3dom

“Ewww, your hands are sticky!”
“It’s ok, just some gamer goo”
“What the f… Go wash your goo off immediately and stop watching porn!”

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Fervor Bliss

Just another reason not to enter a GameStop.

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Darthbawl

Just to clarify my previous terrible product name comment earlier: I am not blasting the actual product itself, just poking some fun at the name. I can relate to having sweaty hands with game controllers in eons past. I even had a PC game controller that had a fan in it that cooled the grips. LOL

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NecroFox4

My co-worker picked some up at GuardianCon and swears by it. I’ll be grabbing some on Amazon soon, I think.

The jokes have been plentiful and crude…

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thatjustinclark

I appreciate all the feedback and thoughts on Gamer Goo and Bree I appreciate the article. Just a little insight, when I was naming it I considered two other names Gamer Cream and Gamer Butter, as you can see those are terrible. Gamer Goo is a fun and memorable name. We are a small little 2 man startup here in Florida where we mix, bottle and ship everything from and we just turned a year old in February. Sport Goo was launched because we have several professional athletes that use the product in Tennis and Golf and we had enough users that were using it for everything from putting on their feet for Yoga to the Florida State bowling team using it. Thanks again the comments are fun to read.

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Utakata

Well I suppose…least you didn’t call it Gomer Goo. >.<