Destiny 2 also has a line of scented candles

She enters your apartment and you stand ready to greet her, wearing your Destiny 2-branded bathrobe. “Come in,” you purr, offering her a sippy cup full of Destiny 2-themed energy drink with Destiny 2-themed ice cubes. “I’ve carefully planned our evening, darling. It should be special.”

“Ooh, I like my dates to have class,” she replies for no readily explainable reason, stepping carefully past the teetering pile of Destiny 2-branded Pop-Tart boxes. “What is that wonderful scent?”

“I’ve been burning these Destiny 2-themed scented candles,” you say, holding up your Ghost-shaped candle holder because your interactions have the air of a thinly veiled advertisement. “Tell me, darling, would you prefer the scents of Venus, or do you long for the musky odor of the Dreadnaught?”

“You choose, you astonishing portrait of seduction,” she cries. “Take me now.”

(Yes, all of these are real products for sale for actual money in the real world. Except, oddly, for the sippy cup.)

Source: Numskull via Gamespot
SHARE THIS ARTICLE
Code of Conduct | Edit Your Profile | Commenting FAQ | Badge Reclamation | Badge Key

42
LEAVE A COMMENT

Please Login to comment
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most liked
Subscribe to:
Reader
Kickstarter Donor
Loyal Patron
Jack Pipsam

This reminds me of the parody fragrance Xbox made up because they weren’t allowed to advertise Destiny due to the Sony deal.

Yes they did that.

280770-destinyperfume.jpg
Reader
Chris Moss

I half expected a Destiny 2 themed Wizard Hat and Robe

Reader
Kickstarter Donor
zeko_rena

I have always wondered what the moon smells like, now is finally my chance

Reader
Joshua Dickerson

Perfect for your anniversary.

Litter the floor with Destiny 2 Poptart wrappers, leading her/him down the hallway to the dinner table where you have the Destiny 2 Energy drinks slowly sizzling in your best Champagne glasses.

Light those scented Destiny 2 candles, and party up for the co-op adventure of your life! Depending on the co-op party match-up, you may even trigger a rare proc 9 months later which gives you a 3rd player to join your adventures. Be warned that you are required to mentor this new player for the next 18 years outside of Destiny 2 to be eligible for “retirement” rewards.

Reader
Hirku

What, no candle that smells like Uranus?

Reader
silverlock

No matter what the labels says I’m pretty sure they all smell like it.

Cadaver
Reader
Loyal Patron
Cadaver

The marketing division of the Activision/Blizzard corporation are a bunch of mindless jerks who’ll be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Reader
thirtymil

If there’s enough room next to Sirius Cybernetics :)

Reader
Dragon Whimsy

I don’t even know what to say to this. I’ve never laughed out loud to a M:OP article before. I tip my hat to you good sir.

I shouldn’t laugh because I have a Star Wars cup. And a pair of coffee mugs. But whatever.

Reader
Sally Bowls

+1 to everyone’s wry bemusement.

OTOH, to say something different, it’s 2017. When you are spending a lot of money to make a game, you are making a brand more than a game. (The ATVI slides talk about 8 billion-dollar brands) So when you run the numbers for the brand, streaming, and merchandising are a part of the mix and I bet it is a growing %.

“Activision Blizzard launches consumer products division with Mattel/Disney exec at the helm”
“Inspiring play, competition and community underpins everything we do, and giving audiences new ways to experience our franchises is core to this commitment,” said Activision Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick in a statement.

The move follows similar expansions into other platforms such as book publishing, e-sports, and a film and television studio.

Unless it stays niche small, your game studio is going to be doing this – just five years later and not as well as ATVI.

Reader
Vlad Petrescu

Donno why they can’t promote their mediocre game …. what are you forced to buy it? ….does it bother you that it has a Destiny Sticker on your fav drink or snack ?….. I don’t get it …. Or is it cause you don’t have any actual news to cover since the gaming industry is a Boring same sh** different day ! …. OMG … your cheetos now have a image of …. Gordon FReeman OMFG ….. Grow up ….. People are dumb…. and they will buy anything …. why shouldn’t the gaming industry catch up with retarded promotions like this … Great article …can you also keep us informed when movies do this … or … any freakin company that tries to market/sale anything to anyone ….. -_-

Reader
Loyal Patron
Patreon Donor
Kickstarter Donor
Paragon Lost

Activision and its satellites really know how to market crap that you want to buy. Sort of like the stress ball. Oh and wonderful write up Eliot! Had me giggling.