WRUP: Where are all the video games about accidentally swallowing ipecac and throwing up all over your computer edition

The HORSE is a noble animal.

Failed Plan #13: Using wolves to scare off bill collectors
Apparently most bills come to the resort via mail, and the wolves mostly scared off any actual guests from coming to stay. On the plus side, we do have a very large wolf population, which is theoretically a positive!

It’s not a positive because it turns out these wolves are not native to this region and they’re endangered, which has not helped our already precarious financial situation here at Wolves Won’t Break Into Your Room And Eat Your Stupid Child Resort & Ski Lodge. It also turns out that despite us sinking all that money into wolf-proofing our cabins for our main draw, our wolf introduction program has shown that wolves do not care about “No Wolf” stickers. Like, at all.

Also on the same note, it turns out that trying to claim at a press conference that if you really check, this child was actually of normal intelligence and we specifically claimed wolves wouldn’t eat your stupid child doesn’t work either! That was just on me.

Anyhow, thanks for coming to this latest recounting, What Are You Playing. I know just how to save our resort now, though, and this time is definitely going to work. We’re going to…

If you think the next suggestion involves a large and illegal shipment of bees, turn to page 75
If you think the next suggestion involves giving beluga whales mechanical walkers, turn to page 46
If you think the next suggestion involves fire ants, turn to page 141
If you think the fantasy race you play in a video game makes you a discriminated minority, find all of the grass ever and touch it

Bonus question: What’s a perfectly normal non-alcoholic beverage option that you really dislike?

Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): I’m struggling to coordinate for this weekend’s Elite Raids in Pokemon Go, so that’ll sporadically take up my Saturday. The rest of the weekend will probably see Splatoon 3 time and maybe a trip to Pokemon Violet to make sure my Miraidon is ready, and maybe I’ll prep a Toxtricity or Swalot for support for next weekend’s Dedicueye.

I’m not big on club soda or seltzer water. I’ve had unfiltered spring water that was freaky cloudy but still good, but some of that bottled stuff tastes too weird for me.

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’m hoping to poke around in more Lord of the Rings Online and No Man’s Sky this weekend. We’ll see. Spring festival time is here, fam.

Cranberry juice is nasty! I said what I said! Every other juice destroys cranberry juice in a fight!

Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): So the latest F1 game is a thing on Game Pass, and since I love that stuff, I will likely be a highly regulated open-wheel death machine driver this weekend. I also have some random urges to play Tower of Fantasy and Dungeons & Dragons Online, and there are things to craft for tiny bunnies in Final Fantasy XIV.

I’m really not too picky on my beverages, but I will say that the flavored seltzer water craze makes me unnaturally angry. These are some of the blandest beverages I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. They taste like the vague and incorrect recollection of the fruit they claim to be modeled after, like a soda maker was told to make something not based on a syrup and they wildly misunderstood the assignment

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): Game to review, stuff to do in FFXIV, and also I just kind of want to sleep. So I’ve got enough to do for the weekend, sure. I should probably be working on the Trading Post over in World of Warcraft, but I don’t want to, so meh.

Soy milk is nasty. Milk in general isn’t a great beverage as it is but I really don’t like soy milk.

Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I’m playing a little game called Faeria right now. It’s a card dueler but much smaller than some of my last few games. I’m also getting into Chained Echoes. It’s a retro SNES style RPG. I’m not sure I’m in love with the combat system they designed but I’m having fun so far.

Bonus: I think I’ll have to say coke, or soda. I used to drink it as a kid but these days I can’t barely stand the sweetness.

Tyler Edwards (blog): I’m kind of in a holding pattern until New World’s next update. Been playing some Age of Empires 2 DE and Eternal. Might dip into my Steam/Epic backlog? I don’t know.

Bonus question: Coffee is a vile substance, and I will never understand how anyone can tolerate it.

Alexander Metcalf, patron: I’m starting to feel the burnout in Guild Wars 2. Part of it is indecision on what to do, part of it is the normal feeling I get after a few months in one game. My MMO gaming is very monogamous, but I’m hoping I can get wild and “experiment” with something new while not totally ignoring Tyria.

Bonus: Hot tea. It’s gross and it burns my mouth. No thank you. To paraphrase the legendary King Ad-Rock, “I like my sugar with ice and tea.”

Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
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