Starfield is the latest game by some Microsoft subsidiary or another, we can’t be bothered to keep track, maybe it’s Activision. Anyhow, in this game you play John Starfield on a quest to wander around on five moons, but you have short-term memory loss, so your character keeps forgetting where he went. Also, the map is horrible so you’re going to land on the first moon, known as “Stink Pond’s Swampy Armpit Moon,” at least seventeen times during the tutorial.
The primary game mechanic is the ability to pick up everything, assuming that you want to pick up wheels of cheese. Fortunately, everything is fundamentally made out of tiny wheels of cheese, so it works out all right. Every environment was crafted via procedural generation, with the procedure being some programmer – let’s call him Kenneth – being told, “Hey, Kenneth, make a hut in space and then copy it a few dozen times.” When Kenneth protested, he was told to go get coffee, and when he came back there was a doll in his seat holding a sign saying “COPY AND PASTE, KENNETH.” He knows better than to argue with the doll.
In summary, the review score is mu. Ready What Are You Playing.
Bonus question: What video game from your childhood could you never beat back in the day? Did you ever go back and beat it?
​Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Splatoon 3’s first year anniversary Splatfest is gonna get a lot of love. Go Team Shiver! The exercise games are also gonna get/give a workout because I’m needing it.
Oof, The Adventure of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends for the original Game Boy. Couldn’t beat it as a kid so I sold it and will never have to suffer that hell again, as I recall it making lists of hardest/worst games in several gaming magazines.
Andy McAdams: I’ve got more meatspace stuff happening this weekend, so probably won’t get much gaming time. I’ve resisted space-Skyrim so far, so I’ll probably continue to plug away in Baldur’s Gate 3. I finally made it to Act 3.
Bonus Question: I’m notorious for not finishing games – so like … all of them?
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’ll be working my way through some more Guild Wars 2: Secrets of the Obscure. I keep finding myself playing it out of order; I have the second map mostly completed, and I’ve played the final meta (whose boss is “holy shit” levels of amazing), but I haven’t actually finished the storyline. Oops!
I don’t think my brother and I ever beat Riddle of the Sphinx, but we tried for ages. We were playing it pretty late in its lifetime, and my mom got the cartridge from a yard sale around 1990 or so, so I harbor some suspicions that it was bugged or busted. But we kept trying! Alas, mom sold off our Atari when we got a computer, so that was that.
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): Most of my attention will be shifted towards Fae Farm, Final Fantasy XIV, Destiny 2, and this comfy little multiplayer driving sandbox called Motor Town: Behind the Wheel with my best friend. Pretty diverse selection this weekend, honestly!
I can’t say I have ever gone back to beat a classic childhood game that often save for the original Contra, but now that I think on it, there are a few more mountains I could climb. The first one that springs to mind is this NES game called Solstice. Perhaps it’s high time that I try and slay that old dragon.
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): The usual FFXIV stuff alongside some tabletop gaming will pretty much fill me up; other than those elements, I mostly want to just kind of chill, watch some movies, and cuddle the cats. It’s been a tough week.
So back in the day I was the only one in the house who could make any significant progress in Blaster Master, but I could never get past Area 5 to see the ending. This was unusual for me, but it stuck in my craw for years, and so years later I sought it out and made my way through to the ending (and let me just offer a hearty middle finger to whomever removed the “continue” option for the North American release). You shouldn’t go back and do that, though; Blaster Master Zero is a much better experience and lacks none of the original’s charm.
Mia DeSanzo (@neschria): I will be playing EverQuest 2 some more. I am having a good time with both my Sarnak Beastlord and Froglok Warden. And I will be playing RimWorld. I re-added a bunch of mods and I have dreamed up a weird challenge scenario.
I tend to lose interest in games before I finish them, and I was even worse as a kid.
Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I’ve still been hacking at Harry Potter Magic Awakened. I think I’m starting to get a better idea on how to handle the new quidditch mode so I’ll keep at it. I finally, truly beat Chained Echoes so I’m looking for what’s next. I don’t think I want to get into another real deal RPG so I’m looking at Metroidvanias again.
Bonus: I’m totally blanking on some NES games I know I’ve returned to recently but since I can’t get there I’ll go with Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I remember getting stuck in the water temple while the game was new. Now it’s been decades since but after college I grabbed it from my parents house and reloaded my old save and beat it down. It was worth it.
Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
