Totally 90s party weekend: Everyone dresses in baggy jeans and awful t-shirts that you regret, you have to listen to Nirvana and fill your mouth with cotton balls and peanut butter to do your best “Kurt Cobain is high on heroin and trying to sing” impression, and then you have to go on to completely squander any and all promise Generation X claimed to have before getting defensive toward anyone pointing that out. Also signal a sniper if anyone references Austin Powers, we have almost burnt that sickness out and it is time to finish the job.
The flesh roiling: Just really get in there and roil the heck out of some flesh. You can invite – what do you mean that sounds disgusting? I think it’s a good idea.
Pirate party: Everyone spends two months in a closet with no Vitamin C and four people die of scurvy, then you go out onto the town and try to pick up attractive people whilst reeking of body odor and being not yet quite dead of scurvy. On the way out, replace one of the host’s limbs with a hook.
Not flesh roiling: So what if you had flesh, and you roiled it… less?
All right it’s actually flesh roiling: I like the idea. I would attend this. We never get to do any damn ideas that I like. Remember last week when I wanted to summon an elder beast from beyond human perception and you wanted to go to Olive Garden? My idea was way better. Back me up in this week’s What Are You Playing comments.
Depressed mining town party: Times are tough, mister.
Bonus question: A physics professor is walking to his office at a speed of 1.4 m/s. A student is attempting to overtake him in the hopes that she can either give him her homework or slam a muffin into his face. If the professor has 300 meters to go until he reaches the safety of his office, the student starts 50 meters behind him, and birds are real, how fast will the student need to accelerate in order to catch up to him in time? Wrong answers only.
​Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Exercise games gonna get/give me a workout, but I’ll also spend some time in Pokemon Violet (I’m so close to having my reward bear!) and Super Bomberman R 2. I may give F-Zero 99 some more time too, as it’s simple but fun, even if you can’t easily play with friends.
Okay, so immediately, the student needs to move at roughly 1.6 m/s to beat teach by about a second, right? But there are other factors at play. She can give him her homework, but the muffin is an option because she knows he’s buying World of Warcraft gold since he left his account up in class, and he recently used that gold to beat her at an auction house mount she wanted. She managed to get a picture of both his purchase page in-class and his AH victory. And they’re both actually in her homework to show that she knows and can report him, so there’s a secret “and” in here. That means she needs 4 seconds more for both the wind-up of the muffin (medium-sized banana bread) and delivery of her homework/blackmail warning. Birds being real is the real issue though. Are they ravens? Because they love bananas. But if they’re seagulls, they’re more interested in garbage, so we’re going to go with peacocks because they’re the school’s mascot, meaning she needs to 100% dodge them perfectly since we all know harming peafowl means both expulsion and prison time. But if the student yells, “Hey Grignr!” it’ll cause the teacher to turn around because he knows that guy. If she shouts this at the 50 meter mark while moving 3 m/s, points directly at him to make him freeze, and follows up by throwing the muffin and hits anywhere, this should cause the peacocks to block him, letting her move at any speed she wants from this point forward, as we all know it takes those birds a long time to finish a muffin and is why you never take them to cafes.
Andy McAdams: I’m not sure what I’ll be playing this weekend. Maybe some Lord of the Rings Online? Maybe some Guild Wars 2? Who knows. Maybe even some Space-Skyrim if I decide to pick it up.
Bonus question: I’m not saying it was aliens, but…
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Lord of the Rings Online. I’m gonna be tinkering in my new abode and also finishing Mirkwood (hopefully) with my husband’s bear now that we’ve gone back. Picking up where we left off!
Trick question; she didn’t do her homework, and she’d never waste a good muffin that way.
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): This weekend will primarily feature Lord of the Rings Online as I rediscover the Champion and enjoy the overworld difficulty slider feature, both of which are extremely good fun. I also intend to hop into Black Desert Online now that the season server is always up (hurrah for lack of FOMO), and there are still some tomes to get in Final Fantasy XIV and missions to beat in Armored Core VI.
The answer to this word problem is to curl up and sob because I am once more reminded at my ineptitude at math and of the horror years that were high school. Cheers, Eliot!
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): Some FFXIV and at least one review title, plus I have a whole mess of apartment maintenance to do. Can’t believe I won’t be getting my FFXIV tabletop game until next May. I disagree.
Let’s see… I was born in Glastonbury, so that’s not it… I also know French, so that’s not it, either. I’m going to go with her staying with her original choice of door instead of switching.
Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I’ll be trying to knock out some of my quidditch achievements and other story bits on Harry Potter Magic Awakened. They had a nice chunk of new content drop this past week and I’ve been slowly knocking it out.
Bonus: Well if the student is wearing some nice runners she’ll have better ankle support and control in cutting through the other students. Also by double majoring in ventriloquism she will be especially apt at throwing her voice and catching the profs attention to slow him down. Then as he is turning to view the false voice, she can break apart and rain sprinkles of muffin upon his dome. Now the birds, which for the sake of this hypothetical are apparently real, will descend on the muffin bits further delaying the professor. At this point he will have dropped his papers and be swinging and spinning wildly at the oncoming birds. The student having achieved the goal of muffin-ing the professor will further slip her homework into the stack of papers on the ground and dash away. A full success.
Tyler Edwards (blog): I’ll be finally finishing my seemingly endless Dragon Age: Inquisition replay.
Bonus question: Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
