WRUP: Cow Quest, a stupid one-page RPG edition

Not fossils. They're different.

In Cow Quest, you are playing a cow who is on a quest. Each character has three stats. The first is Cow (specify your breed of cow), the second is Quest (specify your quest, which should not be something that cows do not normally do), and the third is Stupid. Each stat is rated from 1-10; by default, your Cow and Quest stats are at 5, and your Stupid stat is at 1. You may raise or lower your Cow or Quest stats during character creation so long as they still add up to 10, or you may add additional points by increasing your Stupid stat.

To take on any task, roll 2d10 and add the appropriate stat – Cow for any cow-related tasks, Quest for any quest-related tasks. If the task is neither related to your quest or being a cow, instead roll 2d10 and subtract your Stupid stat. A total of 12 or more indicates success. If your cow is hurt in any way, make a tick mark; after five ticks, your cow immediately turns into a hamburger. Each time your cow accomplishes an objective for their quest, make a tick mark. Successfully reaching five ticks means your cow has become a successful quest-haver.

Each time your cow accomplishes a cow-related task, make a tick mark. These tick marks don’t matter. It’s just a sign of how much you’re a cow. What are you playing? Cow Quest?

Bonus question: What pet have you owned that has made it the hardest to get daily tasks done?

Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Exercise games are getting some work. I may actually take it easy in Pokemon Violet since Inteleon’s proved to be pretty easy for PUGs, especially if someone knows how to play support Chansey. When I can play, most of it will probably be in Splatoon 3 for the Splatfest pre-event. Go Team Wisdom!

I guess the dog I had as a teenager was the “hardest” since you gotta walk dogs, but he was a really good dog that rarely gave us any problems. If we’re being super specific, there was a few weeks when my pet rat, who was misgendered and unknowing came as a buy-one-get-eleven-free-deal, gave birth. That made things hard. Tons of fun, but we also had to clean the cage more often, make sure momma and kids were properly socialized with humans and the above-mentioned dog, and watch for humping to make sure we separated them before there were any more accidental pregnancies.

Andy McAdams: I’ll probably continue my 95% hiatus from World of Warcraft because there’s nothing to do. I’ve started playing Lord of the Rings Online for the first time ever. I’ve been playing Burglar and really enjoying it so far, though the game is really overwhelming with the sheer amount of all the things. I might check out Warden too because a few of Justin’s articles make it sound like fun. I also bought Grounded, so I might putz around in that too. Its been pretty quiet on the gaming front lately for me.

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’ll be in Lord of the Rings Online, and actually I need to swing by my Star Wars Galaxies Legends shop to refresh my vendors, but then back to LOTRO – either some Hunter fun or more on my baby Champion. Probably both.

I hope people mistake the bonus question as one about MMOs because I want to hear about the annoying minipets that interrupt dailies. But yeah the last cat I had and will ever have was a Maine Coon fluffball who literally shed everywhere all the time, which was a mistake for someone with serious allergies; I was sick for years. Keeping things clean was pushing a boulder up a hill.

Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): This weekend is looking very similar to the last one in that I will be doing little projects in Final Fantasy XIV and steady grinding activities in Destiny 2. I’ll also probably take a few moments to watch my husband play Jedi Survivor. Primarily since I have no interest in actually playing the game myself.

I had a cat named Solstice who often mistook my moving around my apartment to make my bed and get ready for work as playtime as she dashed beneath the bedsheets and leaped at my ankles when I moved from bedroom to bathroom and back. Kind of distracting but also incredibly adorable.

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): Aside from a bit of FFXIV (it’s a low time waiting for the patch) I have a couple games to review and a bunch of other single-player experiences I want to get to. Also, cats to cuddle. That seems nice enough to me.

My decade-old very large tabby is the most loving cat you can imagine. He never wants to be apart from me. Ever. Even for five minutes. Which is kind of a problem when I need to do… you know… anything! Anything at all! He’s climbing up on me and purring and meowing. And I can’t even be mad about it because it’s hard to be angry at an animal who misses you when you’re asleep.

Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I think it’ll be a light game weekend for me. I’ve been continuing on my mobile card game binge. I really want to find a more permanent MMO too. I’ll probably revisit some soon.

Bonus: I don’t think I’ve had a troublesome pet really. I suppose when my cat lays over my hands while typing or gaming that’s a pain.

Tyler Edwards (blog): New World. I’m trying to finish the season journey, and it’s making me overcome my introversion and actually do some group content. The horror.

Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
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