Lately, we’ve gotten a lot of questions about our new mail-order badger system. “Why should I order a badger through the mail,” you ask, “when I could simply walk to the local field and be assaulted by dozens?” And that’s a good question! But it’s one with several easy answers in list form just below.
- Deluxe Badger-Guard Plastic Protection: Only our mail-order badgers feature Deluxe Badger-Guard Plastic Protection. What does this fantastic protection do? Who cares! You can only get it from us.
- Very few rotting oranges: When you order from us, it’s highly likely that we will ship you an actual badger instead of a pile of rotting oranges with the approximate mass of a badger. The field, meanwhile, could just be covered in rotten oranges.
- Sleek, glossy coat: None of our badgers actually have a sleek, glossy coat, but our stock photos do.
- The field is for drug addicts and vagrants: If you go into the field, the State Vagrancy Police will arrest you and throw you in a cell. Is that really how you want your grandchildren to remember you?
Clearly, our mail-order badgers are the only way to go! Send a check or money order for $46.75, plus $3.00 for shipping and handling, plus $4.00 for emotional wounds, minus $1.00 for physical wounds, plus a number of dollars equal to the last digit of your zip code just for the heck of it. Also, leave your weekend plans in the comments down below, because it’s What Are You Playing time.
​Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): ​Had a few family celebrations, which means I need to Pokémon Go to help burn some that off, but I’ll also be playing with the ARMs global test punch demo and trying to suck less at Injustice 2 so I don’t feel like a waste of spaces in the guild system (even if I only joined a random one).
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): I’ve been absurdly sick this week, far more than I thought I was, so I haven’t done really anything in MMOs other than feebly water a few virtual plants. It sucks, but I doubt I’ll do much more than that. And on one of the best gaming weekends of the year too!
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): This is my last weekend to finish farming up event stuff in Final Fantasy XI, so I need to do that; I also have to put in more time working on pre-expansion stuff in Final Fantasy XIV. Beyond that, I don’t know, although that might take up more than enough of my time.
Justin Olivetti (@Sypster, blog): I have a wedding to go to on Saturday, so I’ll probably get less gaming time than normal. That said, I’d love to keep pushing on in Dreamfall Chapters, see if I can’t figure out the path to crafting an ascended weapon in Guild Wars 2, and continuing on with my epic Bingo Boffin questline in Lord of the Rings Online.
MJ Guthrie (@MJ_Guthrie, blog): I am determined to get through at least one anniversary scavenger hunt per year in Lord of the Rings Online, so that may be where most of my time goes. I also will be poking into ex-Shards Online, now Legends of Aria. More The Secret World will be squeezed in, just a sabotage mission or two! There are other games I want to dabble in as well, but I don’t think I’ll have the strength to.
Tina Lauro Pollock (@purpletinabeans): My exams are finally over so I’ll be lost in Diablo III  and Guild Wars 2 all weekend (and for several weeks thereafter, I should expect). I might — just might — pick my World of Warcraft subscription back up again; we’ll see!
Your turn!
