Hello, America, I’m a fading made-for-TV movie star you kind of remember from that one Hallmark movie about the lady with diabetes who got bitten by a squirrel and her kid had leukemia or something. When was the last time you used a laptop on your bicycle? Was it last week? The week before that? Do you even have a bicycle? Whatever happened to bicycles? What was that guy saying at the end of that Radiohead video?
Hello from me now, America. I’m an equally fading star but still just expensive enough that the makers of this commercial could only afford one take with me. I have scabies.
Hello again, America, it’s your first clay-faced pseudo-celebrity back again. Call this hotline to donate your laptop and bicycle to me. I need both of these things and I need them from you specifically. If you do not have a laptop, please go immediately to the nearest electronic store and scream “What Are You Playing” at the shopping carts until the police very politely ask you to leave the premises.
Bonus question: Who’s your favorite villain from a piece of child-targeted media?
​Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Exercise games are getting a bit of a workout, since I’m still kinda sore from Halloween (I do not recommend hiking in steel-toed boots unless you really wanna work those thighs and glutes). Oof, Dratini Community Day is literally going to be painful. I’m praying Ring Fit Adventure will give me just one day where a whole level isn’t devoted to leg training!
For the bonus question, I think I’m going with Ice King from Adventure Time. He’s technically a villain, but so much is revealed about his past and mental state that you feel for him and see that not everyone who acts poorly does so because they’re mean or cruel.
Ben Griggs (@braxwolf): World of Warships, Foundation, maybe Cyberpunk 2077.
Syndrome from The Incredibles.
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): So my husband and guildies twisted my arm and I’m going to at least have a brief go at New World again this weekend. I’m not super feeling it, and when I logged in last night I remembered how much I hated the chat interface, but we’ll see how it goes.
This bonus question turned out to be deceptively hard. My favorite Disney movie doesn’t even have a villain. Lotso from Toy Story 3? Jafar from Aladdin? Seems like by definition, the villains in kid content are pretty one-dimensional, so favorite is a stretch.
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): I am three for three on successful MMO return trips, which means I have to decide on focusing on leveling up my Elementalist in Guild Wars 2, climbing up the crafting and combat levels in New World, or slowly learning the new Phantasy Star Online 2: New Genesis character. Decisions, decisions.
Bonus question: Don Carnage from TaleSpin. He was such a fantastic cartoon baddie as well as a great villain overall.
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): A little bit of Final Fantasy XIV and then… I don’t know. The weekend is going to actually be rather busy all round, so I might not have a whole lot of spare time for video games beyond the minimum.
It’s hard not to love Ursula from The Little Mermaid, and I’d be remiss not to point out that Starscream is an absolute jerk and he’s awesome and my favorite.
Mia DeSanzo (@neschria): I will be playing Lost Ark and/or Tower of Fantasy. Probably. I may reserve game time as a reward for doing physical therapy exercises. I messed up my back big time.
My favorite villain was/is Desslok from Star Blazers. I had a crush on him.
Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I completed the GW2 Halloween meta so I’ll be slowing down on that but I’m imagine I’ll still knock out the dailies. I’ve also pulled back on MultiVersus significantly. I was hitting that “why am I doing this again?” point. So I don’t really know what else I’ll play. I’ve still got The Elder Scrolls Online stuck on the back of my mind so… maybe. But I’ve also been trying with the idea of Tower of Fantasy or similar. We’ll see.
Bonus: Right off the dome, I’ll go with Spinel from Steven Universe: The Movie. Complex, initially misunderstood, but ultimately redeemed. I’ll never miss a chance to tell everyone about how fantastic Steven Universe is.
Tyler Edwards (blog): New World and Eternal, as is my wont.
Bonus question: I don’t engage with a lot of media targeted to children, but I checked out Gravity Falls a few months back after enjoying Inside Job, and I gotta say Bill Cipher is impressively terrifying for a kids’ show villain.
Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
