You have been owned all week. Here are the ways you have been owned.
Sunday: Your mailman pulled up to your front door, slammed a piece of ham against your door with mustard on it so that it kind of stuck to the door a little bit, and shouted at you that this was about the snake. You don’t know what that meant, but you haven’t gotten mail all week.
Monday: Your childhood hero, Shel Silverstein, appeared before you as a Force ghost (in a way which is legally distinct from the Star Wars property that is owned by Disney) and gave you the middle finger.
Tuesday: The doctor called back and said it’s definitely mange.
Wednesday: NASA scientists arrived to your house and told you that your car possesses an odd property detected by their nearest laboratory due specifically to your stinky farts. You didn’t believe them at first, but they had over a decade worth of evidence that your car is a mass of stinky farts now and it is unique. So they pushed your car into the sea and gave you a Segway to replace it.
Thursday: Your Segway got run over by a garbage truck fifteen times. Which is really weird because you left it inside your home.
Friday: Musicians Lenny Kravitz, The Weeknd, and Ed Sheeran all arrived at your home to give you the middle finger. They also had a signed picture of Paul McCartney which read, “Sorry I couldn’t be there, had a thing to do, but you deserve this.” In the picture Paul McCartney was also giving you the middle finger.
Saturday: How many things could you have accomplished if you didn’t read the intro to What Are You Playing? I’m guessing, like, a couple.
Bonus question: What’s your favorite board game to play against people? No cooperative games.
Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Oof, kinda sore from Earth Day cleaning, so probably going light on Pokemon Go (except for the Cherubi walking and sitting part of Community Day), Orna, and Ring Fit Adventure. I swear, I’m gonna finish Chrono Cross’ visual novel this weekend!
Favorite non-co-op board game… damn, that’s tough, since I prefer co-op for board games and card games for PvP. If virtual is allowed, Armello. It’s kind of like Game of Thrones with animals. If we’re restricting it to physical board games, then Quacks of Quedlinburg (there’s a board so it counts!). It’s a push your luck game. Tons of fun, not too PvP-y, but can get cut-throat simply by having other people taking massive risks that payoff.
Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Lord of the Rings Online, obviously. It’s gonna take me all weekend to figure out which characters are getting all the goodies. And I think I might take a baby character to the new hobbit zone.
I tend to like card games more than boardgames, but probably RISK.
Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): I have to admit that all of the LOTRO hype is kind of drawing me in, but I also don’t know that I’d play the game enough to really dive in. I also kind of want to make yet another run at Guild Wars 2 on the power of some good advice from MOP staffers on how to get the specs I want, and I also kind of want to return to Star Wars Galaxies Legends to maybe focus in on a profession that is actually wanted by players (i.e. not shipbuilding). Basically, I’m done with Final Fantasy XIV for now and am trying to find a new home.
It has been ages since I played any board games, so I’m going to both date myself and make myself feel like I’m made of dust with this answer: Crossfire. Most people are only familiar with the game because of it’s insanely ’90s ad, but the actual game itself was an extremely good time, actually.
Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): I’ve got some FFXIV PvP to take care of, mostly. Not sure why, but the rewards are there, so I guess I’ll continue along that route. And maybe this weekend I’ll actually get around to finishing Metroid Dread (I liked the game very much but the last boss annoys me, thank you).
My wife and I like to play board games of all stripes, but while it’s not the crunchiest game I’m going to pick Hive just because we can pull that out and play almost anywhere. It’s a lot of fun and every match is a fun time.
Sam Kash (@thesamkash): Tyler convinced me I should return to New World. I’ve been gaining about a level an evening which based on my number of nights playing still doesn’t get me to max for about a month. It’s not terrible, but considering the only thing I want to do is participate in PvP, it’s pretty terrible. Let me play now! I haven’t settled on a game that lets me just battle anyone so I’m going to keep searching.
Bonus: it’s kind of lame, but I really like to play Blockus. If you’ve never tried it, you really should. It’s simple fun, but gives you opportunities to make moves that will give you the win.