WRUP: A guide to common speedrunning categories, what they mean, and why Kylie doesn’t care edition

    
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WAHOO

Any%: Usually considered the “default” speedrun, an Any% run means that your goal is to reach the agreed upon end state of the game as quickly as possible, with no restrictions on what you pick up or complete in order to reach that end state. If you can skip 20 out of 28 levels and fight the final boss, that would be an Any% run. Kylie is busy with Samantha and does not wish to hear about it from you even a little bit.

100%: Unlike the previous category, this means completing all of the game as fast as possible. Kill every boss, collect every relevant item, and still reach the end as quickly as possible, although some things (like individual coins in Mario games) are still optional. Samantha is so good for Kylie. They’re happier than they’ve ever been. You keep stalking Kylie’s Instagram but she has completely moved on. Look at them cuddling on the boat.

Glitchless: This is usually a modifier on prior run categories. Any% by definition involves potentially glitching past bosses, barriers, or items to reach the end faster, but Any% Glitchless refers to a run wherein major glitches are not allowed and you instead are executing the game in line with expected play. Kylie is beautiful. Samantha is beautiful. When you see yourself in the mirror you feel bad. These are twin goddesses of the heavens who will ascend to the moon, and then this sinful world will be cleansed of sin.

Kylie and Samantha are resurrections of the divine essence of light: That’s much more important than speedrunning. They’re speedrunning good. Whinge about it in What Are You Playing so they can feel good about not answering your texts.

Bonus question: How long does a movie have to be before you feel like you need a break in the middle?

Andrew Ross (@dengarsw): Oof, I really need to clear my Pokemon Go storage to take advantage of the double transfer candy, but with all the Pokemon Violet raids (Blissey time!) and Splatoon 3’s Splatfest prep period, it may not happen.

Honestly, the first time I see a movie, I don’t really need to get up. In fact, I’d prefer not to, even if I’m at home. If I get up, it either means I planned my moviegoing experience poorly or I’m probably done with the film. That being said, I saw The Batman two additional times at home and took breaks about half-way through both times, so I’m not a machine.

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Definitely some City of Heroes, maybe some Lord of the Rings Online, and beyond that, I don’t know. I might go outside and do something else entirely!

Like… more than three hours? Good luck getting me to agree to sit down to a three-hour movie in the first place, though. But if you do, I ain’t gettin’ up.

Chris Neal (@wolfyseyes, blog): The free quest packs handed out by Dungeons & Dragons Online has me wanting to try and maybe remember how to play my level 4 paladin. When that fails, I’ll probably be doing some City of Heroes myself or continue to do some gentle grinds in Destiny 2.

I guess three hours is my limit depending on the film, though when it has its own intermission I’m usually already out the door anyway, frankly.

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): Some stuff in Final Fantasy XIV and then some new single-player games I bought during the Steam sale, honestly; it’s been a rough week and I need some relaxation.

The length of the movie honestly isn’t what determines my need for a break, but the pacing. (Yes, I asked the question just to subvert it! I was playing a game.) I’ve watched Blade Runner 2049 multiple times and that movie is so expertly paced that every time I don’t want to pause it, I want to let it keep playing out and soak in its atmosphere. Fury Road feels like a breathless rush the whole way through and if you told me it was half an hour, I’d believe you. Colossal barely feels like it runs an hour. If I’m feeling the need for a break, I probably don’t want to come back. Heck, look at every attempt Zack Snyder has at making a superhero film vs. Army of the Dead; the latter I’ll happily watch front to back, the former makes me want a break within about half an hour.

Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I’ll be playing a few things. Mostly the new Starborne Frontiers mobile game but I’m also dabbling in Eternal, the card game. Of course Chained Echoes is moving along as well.

Bonus: it depends on if I’m at the theater or watching at home. At the theater there’s no limit, I’ll sit through and painfully wreck my bladder so I don’t miss anything. At home I’ll take a break around the 1.5 hour point

Tyler Edwards (blog): I’m carving my way through hordes of unholy lag in the Diablo IV open beta. I want to see if the necromancer and druid are any better than the three classes I tried before (so far the answer seems to be, “yes, a little”). I also have a D&D session planned. It will be my first time as a DM in quite a long time. I have The Fear.

Bonus question: I’ve seen seven Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings films in the theatre (original trilogy plus Hobbit, and I saw Two Towers twice). I have evolved beyond the need for “breaks.”

Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!
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