WRUP: The power of fist edition

    
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WRUP: The power of fist edition

Step 1: Have a hand.

Step 2: Curl your fingers together so that the tips of your nails – your sweet, tender nails, so delicately painted, so marvelous, so pristine – are touching your palm.

Step 3: Curl your thumb and place one side of it against your closed fingers. There should only be one side that can do it. The… the finger-y side. I don’t know what you call that.

From here, you have a few options.

  • Bump your fist against that of your companion. This is known as a “brofist.”
  • Pump your fist into the air. This is known as “a victory pump.”
  • Smack that fist hard into someone’s jaw. This is known as “assault.”
  • Smack that fist hard into some bread. Please look up bread recipes separately from this. I don’t have the time or patience for any of this.
  • Use the MASKING TAPE and CAT BOOGERS together to form the ZARGLON, which is used to power the master chef’s moon rocket.

Answer What Are You Playing this week. I get paid by the comment and I could use the money. Tell all your friends how great this intro was.

Bonus question: What were you really scared of as a kid that no longer frightens you?

Brendan Drain (@nyphur): It’s beach party time in RuneScape, so I will be spending an unhealthy amount of time this weekend shovelling sand to avoid having to train Construction normally.

Bonus question: Used to be scared of dogs after getting chased by two huge german shepherds, now I couldn’t imagine life without a dog! Seriously, who doesn’t love dogs?

Brianna Royce (@nbrianna, blog): Lord of the Rings Online! It’s been nice to be back in there with only minimal hiccups now. Been leveling alts and crafting – good times.

Poltergeist. Also the music from Unsolved Mysteries. Actually those still creep me out, but not really the same way.

Carlo Lacsina (@UltraMudkipEX), YouTube): I made a promise to myself to get a high rank in any game in the next few months, and I picked Teamfight Tactics. I’ll be climbing the ladder this weekend! I want to see how far I can go before the season ends in about 50 or so days.

As for something I was afraid of when I wad a kid but no longer afraid of… I will have to say vacuums. I used to think they would suck me up so whenever it was being used I would have my feet up on a table or a chair.

Eliot Lefebvre (@Eliot_Lefebvre, blog): My usual weekly stuff in Final Fantasy XIV, and then there’s at least one other project to work on this weekend. I also feel the need to get something else on my overall game rotation. I’m finding myself with a lot of otherwise empty time that’s not doing my brain any favors.

When I was younger… well, I was scared of the Blob. Yes, the movie monster “the Blob,” a movie I have not seen to this day. There were ads for it on the TV when I was little, and I thought that it was the most terrifying thing ever, because shutting a door wouldn’t stop it and you couldn’t hit it to stop it either. As a kid I would lie in bed, shaking, staring at the light bleeding in through the bottom of the door, certain that when it went out sticky ooze would flow beneath the bottom and slip toward me with malicious intent. Also, bee stings.

Sam Kash (@thesamkash): I am very unsure what I’ll be playing. The Guild Wars 2 update did drop this week but I’m not feeling my usual pull to play. If that doesn’t come through then maybe some indie game. I’ve got a few I’ve been meaning to open up.

I was afraid of the dark. I recall keeping lights on and toys at the ready in case I came under siege. Nowadays, I live for the dark. Keep the lights off. All I need is the glow of the monitor.

Tyler Edwards (blog): I’m playing a lot Agents of Mayhem. While admittedly mindless, it has turned out to be surprisingly fun – downright addictive, in fact. It’s like horrible junk food that you just can’t stop eating. Beyond that, I’m leveling my prestiged Raynor in StarCraft II co-op, and on the tabletop front, I have a trial session of a new Curse of Strahd campaign.

Bonus question: I’m scared of basically everything and always have been, but one thing I have (mostly) overcome is my fear of escalators. Those scared the crap out of me as a kid; I was always afraid my foot would end up caught in the machinery or something. These days I’m largely over that, though I do still tend to prefer taking the stairs where possible. Burns more calories anyway.

Every Saturday, join the Massively OP community and staff for What Are You Playing, our roundup of what MMORPGs and other games we’re hoping to play this weekend (with a bonus question or two for our amusement). Tell us what you’re up to! Go off-topic! And don’t forget to have fun!

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BigAngry

Been having a hell of a week, as part of a hell of a month, as part of a hell of a year. Been playing several games to try to get my mind off of the flooding of my house. Our neighbor had a new vanity put in by some uninsured handyman and he left the water running after he left. Ruined my neighbor’s ENTIRE fully newly renovated house, neighbor’s out in a hotel for 30-45 days while it gets remediated and fixed.

Meanwhile, our downstairs bathroom, bedroom, laundry room and kitchen were all flooded. The handyman’s MOM paid the $1,800 deductible for our neighbor’s insurance, and our neighbor’s insurance is paying for OUR remediation. We’re getting our favorite construction company to come in and handle the litigation to work with our insurance and her insurance so they can do the rebuilding, and thankfully we’re insured enough to finally get new carpet padding (which was torn out 7 years ago when another neighbor flooded us and we were hideously underinsured) and carpeting in the entire downstairs of the townhome. Just have to figure out how we’re going to survive through the construction as two fairly disabled people in one house.

Been playing FINAL FANTASY XIV and got caught up on 5.1 and 5.2 (on-stream at that!) in advance of 5.3 coming out on August 11th, so that’s good. Also been playing XCOM 2: War of the Chosen, Monster Train, Dead by Daylight and House Flipper of all things, which is surprisingly fun! They all are helping take my mind off of things, thankfully.

BONUS QUESTION: I used to think that the Sphinx, the whole-ass Egyptian Sphinx, lived in my closet and was waiting to eat me if I left it even a crack open when I went to bed. I am no longer afraid because I now welcome being eaten alive by mythical creatures.

Andy Turner
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Andy Turner

played swtor and accomplished my goal of getting rancor mount and gamorhean guard compainion. Roar. Roar. Oink. Oink as it were.
I was scared of the hallway, because “Mr. Cavity” was going to get my teeth if i did not brush them. Still don’t really brush consistently.

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cursedseishi

So… this is speaking purely of the power of physical fists. Of Fisticles the Brawniest. And yet, it does not cover the other end of the spectrum. Follow this four-step process and you’ll be golden.

First? Take your hand (that is step zero for this, you need it for anything) and inscribe upon it a magic circle by curling your fingers into a four-point circle tightly woven and etched upon one another. Meat-slappers might call these your fingers, but they hit meat against meat a lot. Don’t listen to them.

Secondly, with your thumb, striking through the inner-most circle is mandatory. If you can cross through the second? You’re golden. Third circle? You’re a bugbear, you aren’t smart enough to be doing this, go out and hit meat some more.

Step Three? If you’re able enough to follow the above steps and comprehend the nuance and arcana required of them? Congratulations. Merely invoke the sacred name of ‘Phisticus The Knuckleblaster’ and cast ‘Fist’ at fourth level or higher. If you are only able to cast magic of thirdlevel or lower? Tough luck, you’re better off hitting meat with your gross little meat hands physically. You’re too weak of mind to attempt this.

Step Four. There is no step four, just repeating the above three steps until success is guaranteed. And if you don’t succeed? You’re just meat to be meat-slapped with so… good luck, I guess.

And while I ensure you know that this spell requires somatic and verbal components to properly cast?

Well, I recently finished Ghosts of Tsushima and Medievil, great fun that that was. I’m rummaging through some indie stuff meanwhile like Bug Fables alongside FF14. With Yakuza 7 (Like a Dragon) getting a release date, I’m also eying up Judgement as the last ‘Yakuza’ title for me to finish as well… but I’m saving that for October or so. Otherwise? Keeping it simple.

I recently discovered the horrid greatness that is the dubbed ‘Ghost Stories’ anime and… well, that is a treat I’ll be watching once I’ve finished watching Avatar: The Last Airbender as part of a catch-up for Korra coming to Netflix. I also watched One Piece.

… Watched, so far as one could finish watching one hundred-plus episodes of it.

Which leads into my fears. That of the unknown, such as ‘it is unknown how I’d ever actually watch all the episodes of One Piece. Seriously… Naruto, Shippuden, and Boruto are barely coming close to this, and that is three (technically 2) separate series! One Piece is… One! No show should EVER have anywhere near a thousand episodes!

Lupin doesn’t. Cowboy Bebop doesn’t. Outlaw Star? Nope. But One Piece? Go right on! There are series more deserving of having even fifty episodes, and yet One Piece manages to go on. That scares me. I watched the OG Childs Play as a child, I watched Stephen King’s IT as the same sort of kid who’d get eaten.

And yet ‘One Piece’ scares me to my very core. It is unnatural.

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Minimalistway

In 1997 i saw my brother watching One Piece on his computer (i didn’t even know what anime is!), he was in school, now he is working, he own a house, he stopped watching the series long time ago, we joke from time to time about the number of episodes and how we never going to watch the whole thing.

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cursedseishi

It’s a series where I feel like, even when the world ends and humanity dies off, whatever Rogue Skynet AI responsible for it all will have Terminators exclusively making new episodes of One Piece just for the sake of making them and seeing if there ever will be an end to it.

Carlo Lacsina
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Carlo Lacsina

I just finished watching Shippuden, took 3 weeks. Holy crud that had to be the worst grind ever… but now I’m so invested in those characters.

My wife wants to start watching Black Clover and I’m soooo afraid of getting invested in it. These shonen anime always dig their claws deep!

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cursedseishi

Oof, my condolences on that! I thought about watching Shippuden… But the Ninja Storm games spoiled me. Those are absolutely the best way to see the story without… drowning under 500 episodes.

Black Clover isn’t terrible though, it’s barely a quarter of Shippuden right now in length, and it’s hard to really go wrong with Pierrot (same studio as Naruto). But yeah… it’s another non-seasonal Shonen so I cant blame you on dreading that! And… yeah there are definitely a few characters that really grip me and I’ve only been watching it on and off.

Animation is definitely pretty strong though, which I guess the studio would have a handle on given the number of 100+ episode continuous anime they’ve done by now.

But… hooo boy, right after Shippuden? I’d… I’d want a break and go for something digestible! Take a breather, watch a Studio Trigger joint like BNA, or revisit a classic.

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Toy Clown

I’ve quit trying to make sense of the gibberish you write for this column. xD

What am I playing? This week was spent in WoW where I unlocked the Nightborne race and made myself a warlock. As I leveled my warlock, I realized the destruction spec plays very similar to frost mage, which was my first love until I learned that it didn’t scale well when I came back and was nothing but a frustrating death trap every time I played her. For a class to have a spec reliant on procs, those procs sure weren’t forthcoming! I swapped to arcane just to get her to 120 and now I look at her on my character screen with a wistful sigh and hope that I can find love for the class again in Shadowlands. In the meantime, long may the Nightborne warlock reign! Well, at least behind my druid…

Bonus question: Rain. When I was 5, my babysitter took us to a drive-in so she could be with her boyfriend while we were supposed to be sleeping in the back seat. Hah! A movie called Devil’s Rain was showing and for years I had nightmares about melting in the rain and couldn’t go out into it. I remember my mother dolling me up with a large umbrella and hooded rain coat with rubber boots that came to my knees so I wouldn’t “melt on the way to school”. I finally outgrew it! Now I love the rain and I’m one of those weirdos that will lean their head back when it rains and soak it in.

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Sorenthaz

No clue what I’m doing this weekend. Possible games include grinding in WoW, grinding in XIV, trying out Grounded some more, maybe playing some HotS or LoL, maybe playing a bit of Warframe for Tennocon… I’ll figure it out as I go. Lol.

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Utakata

This week. It’s the weekend again? Err…nothing to report o show for myself again…

Also this week: …save that I finally accomplished my dream and goal since Vanilla WoW of having a max level Mage in all 3 specs. Took me long enough! >.<

Bonus answer: Monsters that would hide under my bed that would gobble me all up in the middle of the night once I closed my eyes. Now peeps just vote them in. /bleh

Have a great week and weekend folks! And please stay safe! /bows

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Ashfyn Ninegold

Amplitude smiled on me. Either that or all the jumping up and down and hand waving got their attention. In any case, nabbed an invite to the Humankind OpenDev . There’s only one scenario playable atm of 30 turns. But, oh my. Tech tree is marvelous and beautiful. Combat uses Endless Legend’s combat and is smooth and intuitive. UI is easy to navigate. In short, a joy to play. Looking forward to more scenarios as they are released to Amplitude’s OpenDev.

Other than that short diversion, it’s been FFXIV. Slowly pushing all my jobs forward.

Played a few rounds of A Legionary’s Life and got smacked down for thinking I had a clue. Nonetheless, I’ve got my eye on being a Senator of Rome one day.

Chiller movies. I was terrified of The Crawling Eye. But by far the worst was Invaders from Mars. Watching both these films now, they’re masterpieces of nuclear age angst. See? No longer scary and pillow over the face terrifying.

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Danny Smith

I’m at 4 levels of WHM in FFXIV to have capped all jobs for a total of like 2240 levels. Its a fun job that got some well deserved buffs in 5.0 but as someone whos main healer job was AST i’m still a little salty at the changes but this is a fun alternative.
Beyond getting ready for 5.3 in about 10 days theres not really much i’ve been looking forward to so i’ve been playing through some PS2 titles and i still think Konami’s early 2000’s Shadow of Memories is a game way before its time people would enjoy a lot more today. Its kind of open world in the shenmue kind of way set in a rustic german town a american on vacation gets murdered on a walk through the town square. Then you are saved by a Homunculus and given a device to travel through time. The goal is not just stop your killer but constantly tweak scenarios in the town ala Majoras Mask so it doesnt butterfly effect into other people getting hurt. It involves stuff like going back to the 1800’s so a tree isn’t planted in a spot where the killer can hide but then make sure this doesnt lead to a workshop fire killing someone a few years later. I’m sure if it was fondly remembered and people gave a shit it would be speedrun gold but its a really good blend of shenmue, majoras mask and shadow hearts and well worth tracking down since its not rare or expensive. Yet.

Outside of that 40k 9th edition started but i ordered some special Tomb World bases from a 3rd party model company for my starter box but with ‘the ‘rona’ i can’t expect them any time soon so instead i used some store credit to pick up some stuff for “Kharadron Overlords”. An army that really seems divisive in Warhammer as they are dwarves that in an age of societal collapse took to airships and flew above the clouds to build skyports and now they live as a meritocratic merchant navy that cast aside their past ideas of kings and gods to live as scientists in a world of magic. For dwarf purists they are tantamount to heresy but now they got a new rulebook that lets you use airships as basic units i was sold so i have a project to pass the time as the UK gets ready for its second lockdown as the coofers refused to wear masks and our species seems hard locked in to death by idiocy. A distractions always nice huh?

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TomTurtle

Shadow of Memories was great. I remember that was a game I got rented back in the day and thoroughly enjoyed it. I remember very little except for the time travel premise and solving a mystery. In fact, I’ve remembered the vague premise multiple times but not the name, and I’d always have to look it up to see what it was called whenever I’d think about it.

Early PS2 days are so far away now, it’s strange to think about.

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Malcolm Swoboda

I think I have a text doc somewhere of all the NA released PS1 and PS2 games (I went through all the known titles I could find) I want to play on emulator or otherwise, separating the ones now remastered/ported to PC. One day! I’ve had one PS1 and 3 PS2s (thick, thin, and latest type) but they’re all gone now. Only older consoles here are partner’s Nintendo ones and only modern console is the Switch (well, 3DSes if they count). Skilled PS3 and PS4. Sold XB360 a couple years ago. Our eyes are on PS5.

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Bryan Correll

PoE I suppose.

Bonus: I can’t think of any particular fears I had as a child. And all the fears I have now tend to be too abstract for a child to have.

Re Elliot:
How can you be scared of a monster that has this groovy theme song by Burt Bacharach and Mack David?

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Minimalistway

Trying Therian Saga again, it’s a relaxing game and i liked it first time i played it, it does not focus on combat, it’s text-based game with a graphical interface, the map is the game, the game use real time system, which means you can choose actions then logoff and come back later and your character will keep working.

Bonus: Height, i was so afraid of going up to anything, i think i was 8 when i dared for the first time to climb up the ladder to stand on the roof of our house, i could not do this alone, my brother helped me to get over my fear.