what is this I can’t even

Fortnite on Nintendo Switch doesn’t include Save the World

You remember Save the World, right? The mode of Fortnite wherein you build a base and defend against zombies? The one that was supposed to be the entire focus of the game at one time? Because apparently it’s not in the latest port for the Nintendo Switch. The port only includes the battle royale portion of the game, and according to the developers there are no plans to change this.

So, you know, if you had been harboring any misapprehensions about the core focus of the game at this point, it may be time to let go of those illusions. It’s not a matter of the game just surprise-launching yesterday. In related news, the game reportedly has 125 million players, so it’s not hard to trace a line covering why the developers decided that porting the battle royale mode was the part that matters. Oh, well.

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World of Warcraft player calculates the size of every character’s… underwear gear

So, what did you do with your life today? Did you sit down and think, “You know, I could use some suspect logic to decipher the exact length of my World of Warcraft character’s Gas-Powered Stick?” If so, it might be time to get a new hobby or two. We hear that gardening is nice. Also, you’re already too late, as Leggerless already did exactly that.

Yes, if you want to know the size of the average Tauren’s Fine Poking Stick or the vital statistics of your Dwarf’s Pocket Void Portal, you can look that up on a chart. And, if you’re so inclined, you can then argue with people over the scale of your personal Pocket Friend by pointing to outliers based on the same math. Needless to say, the post is probably not safe for work due to subject matter (thankfully, not due to illustrations). Not that you should be thinking about your character’s Pouch of Wonder while at work anyhow, we imagine.

Again, there are other hobbies out there. Some people rebuild cars. It’s quite functional.

Source: Reddit via PC Gamer

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World of Warcraft kicks off Pilgrim’s Bounty while time-locking its anniversary transmog

Here’s the good news: World of Warcraft has turned on Pilgrim’s Bounty once again, which means that you can jump through some holiday achievement hoops and get yourself a title and pet. If that’s something you urgently require, it’s here! This event is more helpful than most as a way to powerlevel your cooking, so if you need to do that, your ship has come in. Or if you really love flinging food at people, that’s on the table as well. (Literally on the table in major cities.)

Here’s the dumb news: World of Warcraft’s developers have revealed at this point that the Bronze-Tinted Sunglasses, the big new cosmetic item that was released with the anniversary event, can only be used for transmog during the anniversary. If you bought them so that you could finally be wearing something approaching glasses on your character, sorry about the 200 badges you spent on them.

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World of Tanks pits players against the lord of the tank underworld for Halloween

However you feel about World of Tanks on a whole, it’s hard not to appreciate the game’s Halloween event this year. After all, you are literally taking advantage of a thin veil between this world and the next to fight the Leviathan, the tank lord of the armored dead.

Take a moment to let that sink in. Is the most ridiculous thing here the fact that there is a tank underworld or that it is ruled over by a particularly big tank? Or is it that your goal here is to fight that big tank with your own tank? We can’t tell you.

Presumably, those who take part in the battle to fight the tank of death will earn appropriate rewards, although the nature of those rewards is not shared in the announcement. (We can only hope you get to dress up as a zombie tank.) If all of that isn’t enough purple prose to get you interested, perhaps the actual announcement will do the trick.

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Activision secures patent for software to trick you into buying cash shop stuff, seriously

Hey, gang, this is absolutely wonderful. Activision has filed and been granted a patent for software designed to push you into buying cash shop crappies through the most insidious means possible. The breakdown is fairly straightforward: Once you buy something, the game’s matchmaking software will push you to a match where that something would be very effective or where another player’s purchases would influence your purchases, thus creating positive feedback and inspiring you to buy more! Isn’t that grand?

For those keeping track at home, this is starting to cross the line from gambling over to extortion, which is not a pleasant road to be walking. If you thought microtransactions amounted to a cash shop wholly separate from gameplay and you never had to worry about it influencing anything else, you were wrong.

Activision’s official statement is that this was simply a patent filed for exploratory software and it has not been implemented in any games. Said statement does not include phrases like “will not,” of course, so draw your own conclusions about when and whether it will show up. You can also draw your own conclusions about how shady it is, but the answer is pretty decidedly “super shady.”

Source: Kotaku, Rolling Stone; thanks to OneEyeRed and Leiloni for the tip!

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Wild Buster is adding Duke Nukem to its lineup… really

Do you still have a deep emotional attachment to Duke Nukem, the star (ahem) of Duke Nukem Forever and endless memes about games which take an eternity and a half to release? If so, hey, you may be the target audience with Wild Buster adding Duke Nukem to the game’s lineup. If you’re kind of staring and blinking at the announcement… well, hey, it’s still happening, baffled or no. This is a thing that’s going on now.

If you’ve forgotten what Wild Buster is, well, it’s a science-fiction hack-and-slash MMOARPG that we’ve covered before. Refresher time!

No details have been shared about how Duke Nukem will be integrated to the game, but it seems like a hack-and-slash game is the right place for him. You’ll just have to fill your minds with speculation about the inclusion. At least you can be relatively certain it’ll be a better romp than his last solo title.

Source: Steam

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Destiny 2 also has a line of scented candles

She enters your apartment and you stand ready to greet her, wearing your Destiny 2-branded bathrobe. “Come in,” you purr, offering her a sippy cup full of Destiny 2-themed energy drink with Destiny 2-themed ice cubes. “I’ve carefully planned our evening, darling. It should be special.”

“Ooh, I like my dates to have class,” she replies for no readily explainable reason, stepping carefully past the teetering pile of Destiny 2-branded Pop-Tart boxes. “What is that wonderful scent?”

“I’ve been burning these Destiny 2-themed scented candles,” you say, holding up your Ghost-shaped candle holder because your interactions have the air of a thinly veiled advertisement. “Tell me, darling, would you prefer the scents of Venus, or do you long for the musky odor of the Dreadnaught?”

“You choose, you astonishing portrait of seduction,” she cries. “Take me now.”

(Yes, all of these are real products for sale for actual money in the real world. Except, oddly, for the sippy cup.)

Source: Numskull via Gamespot

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Seattle police officer uses a Destiny livestream to discuss a controversial shooting death

Let’s see if you can follow the chain of logic here. Police officers in Seattle shoot and kill a alleged burglary victim, resulting in controversy over whether or not the officers made the right decision. All understandable. One of the officers of the department took to Twitch in order to deliver an update on the shooting and the reasons behind it; again, understandable, albeit perhaps not the best choice of platforms.

Of course, he was also taking to Twitch so he could stream while playing Destiny. A game where you shoot things. Like, that’s the whole game.

Saying “don’t livestream a game about shooting people while discussing an actual shooting your department is being criticized for” seems like it should be kind of obvious, but apparently not. The officer in question has stated that he felt failing to discuss the shooting would be seen as a cop-out, although that doesn’t really explain why he felt that was the ideal time to combine these two things. We should all just be happy it wasn’t Grand Theft Auto Online.

Source: Kotaku

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The lights are back on for Akaneiro… for now

Back in September, Akaneiro: Demon Hunters was more or less shuttered, which meant that your dreams of an ARPG in which you smash monsters in Edo-era Japan as Red Riding Hood were also shuttered. The official announcement was that the game would remain online for the forseeable future, but the reality seemed to be that it had already turned into a buggy and unplayable mess without allowing players to log in and play. That seemed to be the end of the discussion… until this weekend, when the game began to come back online through the graces of the self-described one remaining developer at Spicy Horse Games.

Steam posts from said developer under the handle Aku state that the game has been restored to functionality and certain persistent bugs are being worked on, so the game should at least be playable. Of course, it’d be wrong to expect any major updates or further development, but the Steam version seems to at least be playable for some. That having been said, our staff reports being unable to log in on the game’s website, so take of that what you will. It’s not exactly a rebirth regardless, but a stay of execution is nice.

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Final Fantasy XIV makes a surprise appearance at WWE’s Wrestlemania

Professional wrestling is weird. Frequently, that means that it’s weirdly awesome, but it’s still weird. Case in point, you probably would not have expected Final Fantasy XIV to team up for cross-promotion with professional wrestling. And yet that’s exactly what happened during the most recent Wrestlemania event, with WWE’s New Day showing up in costumes inspired by the Monk, Samurai, and Red Mage jobs.

There seems to be a fair amount of crossover between the two fandoms, so it makes a certain amount of sense as a cross-promotional deal, and it’s also the sort of “what” that is at once baffling and really cool. You can check out the video down below, or you can just go on your favorite forum to use this as evidence that Monks will be able to suplex people in Stormblood. You’ll find out for sure in a couple of months.

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Introducing the Massively Overpowered Objectivity Guide and App

Friends, enemies, ladies, gentlemen, morphean blobs, and colours out of space, we know that the most pressing question on your mind when you read this site is how you know everything is objective. Objectivity is one of the highest goals of Massively Overpowered, specifically because we set up a tall shelf and put a piece of paper that says “objectivity” on the top of it. It is very high off of the ground. Bree and Justin rely on the rest of us to assure them that yes, it is in fact there.

But how do you, the reader, know that this is the case? How can you be certain that no trace of subjectivity is tainting your article and that everything you read here is entirely verifiable by objective reality? It’s a problem that we sat up long nights considering.

So we’re happy to announce the introduction of the new Massively Overpowered Objectivity Guide and App. Read on to find out how this new feature of the site will ensure that everything you read on the site is safe and entirely objective, whether you’re on mobile or on your desktop.

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Why World of Warcraft’s item level scaling is really, really, dumb

This has been a very stupid week. I know this because any other week, World of Warcraft completely destroying the reason for acquiring new gear would stand out as the stupidest thing I’d heard all week. As it was, it was just the stupidest thing I heard on Wednesday. I heard it when I woke up, so it had an early chance to establish that lead, and while I couldn’t be certain it had no real way of losing that lead through the end of the day.

I don’t know if it’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard all week, but it’s definitely high in the running.

A lot of parts of Legion have produced some degree of controversy, and by and large, I’ve been on the side of these being good decisions that need to be made for the good of the game. This, on the other hand, is a terrible decision that does nothing positive whatsoever for the game. It hurts every form of content and reward currently in play, and it’s the sort of thing that seems so catastrophically ill-considered that your first thought upon hearing it is, well, that it can’t be real. But it totally is. And the eleventh-hour rolling back of several parts doesn’t exactly change the core problems behind the idea or why players immediately reacted with anger.

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World of Warcraft implements undocumented item level scaling in patch 7.2

The reward scaling in World of Warcraft has always been pretty straightforward. At the start of the expansion, everything at max level is a pretty close match for you; by the end of the expansion, all of that work you put into acquiring better items pays off because every enemy lies dead at your feet. It’s how things work. Sure, there are a larger number of things at your level in Legion due to scaling, but the way gear works remains constant. After all, if you made enemies scale with gear, you’d have no reason to actually get better gear, so you would… oh, wait, they actually did that with patch 7.2. Huh.

Yes, this is something players noticed, and according to Ion Hazzikostas on the forums it is completely intentional. The developer rationale is that it allows for creatures to scale more organically to various gear levels so that open-world enemies never became trivial or easy for players. The intent is for enemies to scale up slower than gear level (so gear still feels like a reward) but still scale with your power in terms of items.

So, get excited about the next set of world events! They promise to reward you with gear that makes everything else around you stronger as well, making the effort put into acquiring that gear a complete waste of time.

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