wrup

WRUP. It stands for “what are you playing.” That’s it. Answer the question! [Follow this feature’s RSS feed]

WRUP: Winning an argument with Susan five years after our divorce in a passive-aggressive fashion edition

Not many of you know this because I had no intention of really making a thing out of it, but I have been divorced from Susan for about five years now. Luckily, now I am a writer here and can dredge up our old arguments in article form, thus implicitly making everyone agree with me and disagree with her. So there. There is absolutely something wrong with putting the crackers on the third shelf instead of the second one, Susan. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You are insane, and your FPS games are stupid.

Wow! Dredging up that otherwise entirely irrelevant discussion made me feel a whole lot better about things. Now let’s all get down with What Are You Playing, wherein we’ll tell you what we’re playing and you can let us know what you’re doing in the comments. You can also feel free to say how Susan is totally wrong. Susan.

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WRUP: Entirely too much about bears edition

I am legitimately fascinated by bears in video games. Not just because I love bears, although that’s true too. I’m fascinated because in the real world, bears are the closest thing we have to an end boss. They’re enormous piles of claws and muscle that can knock your head off without even trying very hard. And yet most games treat bears as just whatever, not tremendously dangerous, often low-level enemies.

I’m just saying, if I see a guy walking around with a pet bear, my reaction should not be “ah, that’s a Hunter pet, excellent tank choice.” My reaction should have more to do with being aware that any gentleman with a bear as a walk-around pet is no one to mess with.

What Are You Playing is not an exercise open to bears, chiefly because very few bears are able to operate keyboards. But I’m guessing most of the people reading right now are not bears, and you are more than welcome to let us know what you’re playing down in the comments. If you are a bear, you can still let us know, but please be aware that sleeping for 36 hours and then snurfling at a beehive is not a “game” in the strictest sense. Read more

WRUP: Addressing recent scandals edition

It seems that a large variety of scandals have struck our offices recently, and so I thought I’d take the opportunity before anyone is checking what I wrote too closely to address these scandals. First and foremost, I want to stress once again that we are not, under federal law, prohibited from owning lizards. Snakes are different, and there are legless lizards, and nothing we did was a war crime outside of Bulgaria.

Yes, most of the staff was in Bulgaria at the time, but we were not committing any of the crimes we were accused of. We were committing entirely separate crimes, but I really think that “sedition” isn’t fair. You can’t foster sedition in a country you don’t live in, right? I’m really asking, I haven’t been able to speak with an attorney about this.

We’re running out of time here, so let’s wrap up. Yes, there were bottle rockets in that car trunk, but not for the reasons you might think. No, we did not use the official Craigslist account for all our correspondence. Yes, it is this week’s installment of What Are You Playing, and you’re welcome to let us know what you’re up to in the comments. No, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

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WRUP: Congratulations to Justin edition

In addition to the work that he does for this site, his other daily work, and his position as Jack Black’s stunt double on the road (never proven, but never disproven either), our own Justin Olivetti is raising children! His own children, even. It seems only fair to honor the man and his newborn son just after said son’s birth, so congratulations to Justin, his wife, and their new baby boy. I am just a little bit sad that he decided not to go with any of the various excellent names suggested in a prior edition of this column, however; Longsword +1 is a great name.

Those of us who are not the inimitable Justin will be doing things other than dealing with a newborn, however, and we’ll tell you all about it in this week’s installment of What Are You Playing. If you’d like to let us know what you’ll be playing this weekend, share down in the comments! We find it genuinely interesting.

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WRUP: The Grand Magistrix has power over time edition

How do you represent a boss who has power over time? Because the Grand Magistrix has power over time. The obvious answer is that you will be traveling back and forth in time during the fight. Playing a Paladin? Enjoy trying to deal damage with your abilities from the base game. Playing a Monk? Congratulations, now you don’t exist because it’s Cataclysm. Warlock? Well, that seems fine, but it’s going to be less fun when she turns the clock ahead to the twelfth expansion when your class is constantly on fire.

Or maybe it’ll just be slowdown fields and stuff, I don’t know.

Anyway, this week’s installment of What Are You Playing is here, and while I’ll be watching a bunch of BlizzCon streams for your edification, the rest of the overpowered crew has other plans! Check them out just below, and let us know what you’re going to be up to down in the comments.

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WRUP: A marvelously spooky tale edition

As you all know, today is the horror day in which all of the scary things come out. So in today’s very special edition of What Are You Playing, it’s my duty to make you so scared that you scream very specific things. Like, “I am very scared as I read this story!” And maybe, “This is truly the face of horror!” Are you ready? If not, just read the opening paragraph again.

Once upon a time, a man was alive and enjoyed breathing with his ordinary human lungs. Then, one day he found out that he owed a large amount of money in property taxes. The man was very angry, so he went out back to his gun shed. He found that having long conversations with his guns, which were safely stored in a locked cabinet and were not loaded, really helped him come to terms with unpleasant situations. At that point, with no prior warning, something came out of the darkness!

It was a moth. Not even a big one. Let us know what scary stuff you’re up to in the comments after you see our spooky plans for the weekend!

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WRUP: The secret life of Harry, metaphorical construct for your journey of self-awareness edition

Hello, hello, what a joy it is to meet you. My name, as you’ll not momentarily bother to pause even a moment to learn, is Harry. I’m here solely to facilitate your journey to a greater understanding of yourself and the world around you, not to be treated as a person in any way whatsoever. I’d say “don’t worry about it, I’m happy to perform this important function,” but let’s be real here. You wouldn’t listen if I wasn’t happy anyhow, so I may as well just act out my part in your psychological puppet show, yes?

Oh, you are listening and you’re wondering where you might find me in your game of choice, hmm? Well, that’s just it — I take many forms. Perhaps I’m the mentor who dies in order to fulfill your need to be educated whilst conveniently removing myself before the possibility of correction. Or perhaps I’ll be the man or woman of your dreams who asks absolutely nothing of you, simply stands there mutely and approves of your rote actions and overly tailored gestures that you’re reading out of a strategy guide. I may even be a monster, something placed in your journey for you to overcome to derive the sense of self-worth for your unreal effort.

I may also be something else, some mindless task of tedium like planting and harvesting digital grapes that you may use to convince yourself that you’re above goal-focused play whilst demonstrating that you’re not above performing tasks that the computer’s processors can easily accomplish without your input. But I’m always there, you see. So tell me, dear reader, What Are You Playing this weekend? Read more

WRUP: Non-interactive text adventure edition

You are in a field. There are exits to the north, south, and west. The east doesn’t count. East is the way that cowards go. Meanwhile, the south is filled with drug addicts who are also cowards and the west is covered in, like, dirty diapers. So you’re going north.

You went north, and now you’re in a forest. There’s a path to the east and one to the northeast. The northeast path has a bunch of snakes on it, but you still decide to go that way. Now you’re covered in snakes. Your only hope is that they’re not poisonous. Surprise! They’re actually super poisonous.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this week of non-interactive fiction from What Are You Playing, and you can join us again next week when you have to cut either the red or green wire but the text parser is not advanced enough to understand many phrases, so you time out as you’re trying to suss out the correct verb combination. In the interim, find out what you’re playing and let us know your plans in the comments.

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WRUP: Hard-hitting Transformers: Devastation review edition

Because I am me, I bought and played through Transformers: Devastation this week. It’s based pretty heavily on the G1 cartoon, which is largely terrible and not a setting I really needed to see more of ever, and it mashes that up with bits of plot from the IDW comics in the worst way possible. Also, Frank Welker and Peter Cullen sound so very, very tired through the entire game. We need to let these gentlemen out of their roles.

It also has terrible gunplay, which seems weird. But first and foremost it’s a Platinum game with a Transformers skin, and the actual mechanics and moment-to-moment slashy bits were a joy. So a lot will depend on future DLC for characters and/or new arenas, but it’s pretty fun. I did not feel that my time with it was wasted.

However, I did finish it, so it shan’t be in my entry for this week’s What Are You Playing. Check out what is there just below, and let us know what you’re up to. Read more

WRUP: The appearance of birds edition

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Why do birds gradually appear every time they smell fear? Why do birds cover me with beer every time I taunt steer? Why do birds shriek into my ear every time I hunt deer? Why do birds start campaigns of smear when you look for careers?

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you gradually appear? What locations do birds not appear adjacent to you? If you go to space, do birds follow you? Can you summon or control the birds? What is the maximum bird density in your airspace? Does it work when you are in a plane? Are you allowed to fly?

What Are You Playing is here, obviously. What are you playing? Does it involve birds? Read more

WRUP: Letter integration edition

C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me. D is for dinosaur, that’s actually a lot better than cookies, and I really like cookies. Q is for quietus, which you can make yourself with a bare bodkin according to Hamlet; I don’t know what quietus is, but I assume it’s kind of like a quiche. M is for municipal, and it also will be standing in for the letter X for the next four months due to budget cuts. Ampersands are sitting outside in the lobby glaring with cold, unyielding fury until they can once more join the alphabet. Hay is for horses.

W-R-U-P is for What Are You Playing, a weekly thing in which you tell us what you’re playing in the comments after we tell you all of the stuff we’re doing over the weekend. Z is the last letter of the alphabet and it is all you are contractually required to know about that stupid letter. I is apparently not used for spelling the word “team” but is used for the words “allegiance,” “incorporate,” and “stimulant.” Read more

WRUP: Foxman edition

How did we get here? This place is crawling with too many games. Smells like ozone. I never thought we’d be here for this long. We’ve survived shutdowns of games, the site shutdown, crowdfunding, commenters, personal crises, even that stupid hurricane. How many different ways can you get someone to sit in front of a computer for hours, weeks, months at a time?

Lots, apparently. Maybe we should have written that screenplay about the sassy robot.

It doesn’t matter, though; you’re the original. A big-shot writer, remember? You can fly! Or at least you can write about people who know how to fly. So the next time you type “What Are You Playing” and ask the community to respond to all of the stuff the Massively crew is getting up to over the weekend, it’ll light up a million monitors.
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WRUP: War rig edition

After a fairly predictable living arrangement for my wife and I for the past decade, someone is moving in with us now! Which is a weird feeling. So this weekend I fly down, load up a whole bunch of stuff into a U-Haul, and then I drive all the way up the coast of the country to bring our roommate home. In order to make this more of a palatable experience, we have already begun calling the moving van the war rig.

No word yet on whether or not we are allowed to weld other car bodies to it and tear across the wastes in the truck, but I’m guessing not.

As a result of this, my entry for this week’s What Are You Playing is just a wee bit lacking. Circumstances enforce this state of affairs. But the rest of the Massively Overpowered crew and our patrons are still doing stuff, and perhaps you could share your weekend plans with us down below? That’d be shiny and chrome. Read more

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