Hey there, Billy my man. You look down in the dumps!
“Gee willikers, Mr. Candleman, I sure am!”
Why, whatsoever could be the problem?
“Aw, it’s my space for playing Call of Duty. It smells really bad because of all the time I spend down there drinking Mountain Dew and eating Doritos that offer me experience boosts in my favorite first-person shooters, but I don’t want to stop doing any of those things! Isn’t there any way to change it?”
Well, my good man Billy, have you considered burning a scented candle?
“But if I did that, that won’t interface properly with narrow societal constructs of permitted male behavior! There’s got to be a better way, Mr. Candleman!”
But you don’t have to worry about the tenuous and frankly disturbing relationship you have with that particular bit of enforced social dynamics, Billy! Wick & Skull has just come out with a new line of scented candles specifically themed after Call of Duty so you can improve the scent of your dwelling while still embracing a corporate brand identity!
“Golly gee! With two options, Nuketown and Pacific?!”
That’s right, Billy! The former smells like citrus and smoke, while the latter smells like coconut and cedar, and there’s a third scent on the way! Now when you burn a candle, you can know that you’re doing it in the spirit of shooting other people while cursing very loudly at a video game!
“Thanks a buncharooni, Mr. Candleman! I sure love having otherwise normal products sold to me through a filter of cross-branding! We sure live in a dystopian corporate hellscape, don’t we?”
We sure do, Billy! We sure do.
“Say, didn’t Destiny 2 do this too?”
Shut up now, Billy.
