Destiny 2’s $85 toaster that was created thanks to charity donations is apparently not very good

Further proof that no good deed goes unpunished

    
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Today in “weird-ass philanthropy” news, we take a look at Destiny 2: The Official Toaster. While that might read like a Spaceballs merch gag, there’s a little story going on here. In June 2020 during a charity livestream to benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Hospitals, Bungie challenged its fans to raise $777,777.77 in exchange for the creation of a toaster. The fans responded by raising over $800,000. And so here we are.

The Toaster of Destiny is currently available for pre-order for $85 and includes with purchase a free sandwich tote as well as a unique “Burnt Edges” toast-themed Emblem that is immediately delivered via email. 10% of the sales of the toaster will also go to St. Jude’s.

Here’s the rub, though: Reportedly, the toaster is not very good at all, particularly for the price that Bungie is asking for. RPS hits many common complaints, saying the item is made of “cheap-looking plastic,” has but two slice slots, and effectively provides only the unique ability of searing the game’s logo onto the sides of the bread.

“I take toast seriously and $85 could get you a really nice toaster (with enough change for a donation to St. Jude’s too), you know? We’re not talking a plastic two-slicer, we’re talking four slices, we’re talking independent heat controls, we’re talking stainless steel with a nice retro finish, we’re talking bagel and defrost settings, we’re talking room enough for even the broadest sourdough, the works. The kind of toaster you’d mark in the Argos catalogue by folding a page corner, waiting for you to flick back and gaze at it whenever you want to dream of treating yourself.”

The toaster has also apparently created some community discord because of course it has. Not only do fans bemoan the cheap craftsmanship of the appliance, but there are also complaints that it doesn’t look enough like the Jotunn weapon it’s styled after and that Bungie was more focused on getting a toaster created than releasing a new PvP map. Which is… come on, we’re pretty sure that the brand deal folks aren’t also game development folks.

But hey, $800K raised for charity. So yay?

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Bryan Correll

Sadly this is probably a higher percentage going to St. Jude’s than you’d get with a cold call from a telemarketer. If you want to donate to a charity then donate to them directly. Otherwise you’re just padding the pocket of some middleman.*

*There are, occasionally, fund drives promising that 100% of donations go to the charity in question. But even then I’d read the fine print before believing it.

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Schlag Sweetleaf
TOASTE-D2.jpg
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Bruno Brito

Everyone said it eloquently so i’ll just put my piece: It’s clearly the minimum ammount of support to cash upon it. The product is terrible quality, the charity doesn’t get the entire cash from the toaster sales, and honestly getting tied with such product is not good.

I get it that criticizing charitable work is a contentious point, but we should hold these humongously well-off companies accountable for trying to cash in on the goodwill of their clients. Why should they get a pass on selling cheap crap? Isn’t using people in need as props and boosting their pockets enough? Do they REALLY need to also maximize profits and minimize work when it’s for charity?

Pepperzine
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Pepperzine

Ahhhhh so they donate less than $10 to charity and make at least $40 profit for a $15 toaster. Slick marketing. Better off just donating $60 to Saint Jude’s directly, buying a $15 toaster, and saving $10.

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Narficus

There is symbolism in this.

Remember, folks, the objective of any official nerd tat is to get you to spend ridiculous amounts on cheap productions so those watching the bottom line can make even more profit and cheap out even more elsewhere. Anyone who has been watching the crate/box speedruns to failure have seen this ad nauseum. Cheap in the name of charity is just BAD and Bungle’s management should feel bad.

This is just a typical match made in Hell by a developer who has become so used to shunting blame upon the publisher that they didn’t realize once they were out on their own there was nobody else for their management to publicly blame, and an audience who should know better by now than to be at all surprised by cut corners courtesy of Bungle. Personally, when I heard about how much budget was behind Destiny 2, the phrase “offshore bank account and shell companies” started to creep into my mind for some reason – as it looked like development was right there along with the merchandising to create cheap content for premium price, happily draining both publisher and players for all they were worth.

Mincing which department is to blame is rather moot when the fail of cut corners has been pretty spectacularly company-wide on a top to middle management level, now 100% CrackDivision-free. It’s kinda the brand by now, and nobody in any department of the company can afford to be delusional about which devil they work for, a bit of acknowledgement tradition whether it be The Shadow of the Rat (Disney) or EA in the past.

Maybe some companies will wisen up that there are ways for people to pay a little more, or even a reasonable price, they will get far better than what any pub/dev’s management has been offering, every time. This is why if you have good merch you will get the sales, or maybe this is time to start being a little less lazy and cheap with the licensed merch and seek out the freelancers who are showing up the official jank being shoveled out, give them some contract business.

Etsy and similar have indeed become The Community Will Fix It for sh***y merch.

Except the community can’t really fix the stopping point for many fans – the killing of Cayde-6 because someone’s bad plot says so. Silver lining: It’s great if I want to set off my 16 year-old niece into screaming rage with one word.

Stefan
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Stefan

It was a charity event not a kickstarter prototype, when i support a charity i do it because the cause is something i care for perhaps this whole humble bundle thing has gotten some gamers confused with the idea of charity support over product sales? Not looking down on Humble or anything just stating that perhaps a certain type of entitled consumer has gotten things jumbled up.

As a side note i support doctors without borders monthly and honestly i rather not have them send me stuff like magazines and invest it in the actual support what the charity was intended for in the first place.

If i would have supported something like this i honestly would not have used it and kept it as a collectible, but perhaps i am weird like that

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Greaterdivinity

Bungie was more focused on getting a toaster created than releasing a new PvP map

Ah yes, all those level designers, artists, engineers, QA testers, and everyone else in software development was clearly deeply involved in finding a custom hardware place that would slap together a super cheap branded item that’s not very good.

I’m surprised that more people are surprised that this wasn’t some super premium, high quality toaster. I can only hope that Microsoft does better with their Xbox fridge (not gonna lie, if it’s not stupid overpriced and it’s fairly quiet I kinda really want one).

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Dankey Kang

Imagine being a programmer and going to work one day, then your boss says to you “I need you to stop all projects and help us with this toaster we’re making”.

I’m actually dumbfounded that some people think this is a real possibility.

EmberStar
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EmberStar

I’m pretty sure there was a post once on the City of Heroes forums from one of the artists. He’d done something (made an emote? an aura?) and someone started a multipage thread to rant about how those damn lazy devs were making cosmetics instead of fixing bugs.

The artist responded, more or less “I suppose I could try to use my experience with Photoshop layers and texture design to try to fix the network code. But I’m pretty sure you’re not going to like what happens if I do.”

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Hikari Kenzaki

That’s what all those toasters do. Go google “Novelty Toaster” it’s okay, we’ll wait.

Getting into an internet dust-up over a perk of a charity event?
Sounds like this community is…
Toast.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

Or just needs to sit back and try to get some perspective on the meaning of charity. Who am I kidding, it’s the internet. Back to memes.

Schlag?

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Narficus

Good idea, because for the price of this one it looks like you could have your pick of two, three, maybe even any four of those.

Bob Ross for $35 and if you really want to get fancy, The Grilled Cheesus Sandwich Press for $45, and for the economic option you can offer prayers to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Toast for $8.

Charity gets 10% out of a $20 toaster marked up to $85?

I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be more tasteless than “Pride Month Sales Packs” where companies merchandise microtransactions upon the cause they are supposedly showing support for.

Heh, video games, right?

Turing fail
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Turing fail

Some of those toaster names sound sacrilicious

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Bryan Correll

Turing fail
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Turing fail

I’m seriously wondering how much influence the Simpsons has on my thought processes…?

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Narficus

All of us.

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cursedseishi

So… I’m speaking purely as someone who has worked retail and has a passing understanding of the ‘costs’ from the producer, as well as a vague recollection of said costs…

But yeah, $85 is a scam for what is on offer. We had $10-15 Toasters with two slots, and the ‘cost from merchant’ was… God, I think $6-7 for each one? Which, I’m guessing, is about the same for this thing–especially if they’re cutting corners by removing like 75% of the heating filaments to ‘create’ the pattern. And while I’m no Toaster Certified Electrician, they’re likely scaling back on the necessary voltage and the like because less metal as a whole needs to be brought up to ‘red hot’ to toast then…

This is pretty much a $75 ‘Destiny’ Tax for a sub-par Toaster. And if it isn’t even toasting the whole slice (which it definitely doesn’t look like its doing), then it doesn’t really qualify as a toaster. Just an expensive self-heating bread-branding iron.

$50-60 was like the high-end of my store’s toasters, and those were 4-slice ovens with multiple heat controls. Above that, up to and past $80 you could just grab a proper countertop oven for small pizzas and whatever else you’d want to shove into those things.

And considering the $8.50 donation and minor cost of them, the thing is is literally like 80% profit if I had to guess. Which means they could have at least shelled out SOME extra cash to make it a fancy crappy toaster. Bump up the plastic quality, maybe working in two tones of color, and some LED elements. The thing is disgustingly overpriced still, but at least it would have some novelty.