The following is a totally real script for a new video game and not just some feverish writings from an addle-brained news reporter.
BILLY: I can fit a tank in my pocket!
JOEY: No way, dweeb, tanks can’t fit in pants.
BILLY (pulling out a cellphone which all kids have): Oh yeah? Watch this!
(BILLY smashes the cellphone’s screen and dozens of military vehicles erupt from it. The kids around BILLY watch in awe. In the background, a LUNCH LADY faints and a PRINCIPAL scowls disapprovingly)
NARRATOR: It’s War Thunder Edge, the upcoming new mobile game from a new internal team within developer Gaijin Entertainment that brings “the very essence of the authentic War Thunder experience to mobile gaming enthusiasts.” Players will get to control a variety of land, air, and sea vehicles, with a new progression system tailor-made for mobile that lets players get new vehicles from all nations in a “quick and straightforward manner.”
A release date for War Thunder Edge isn’t tied down, but closed beta is coming soon along with more details. That means when you say you’ve got a tank in your pocket, you can show your friends you’re serious.
(The KIDS leap in the air excitedly, cellphones with the War Thunder Edge logo in hand. Another LUNCH LADY faints. A PINE TREE explodes in the background)
