Jagex survival MMO SCUM is making male toons Smokin’ Hot in today’s patch


Jagex-published survival MMO SCUM is a game we haven’t talked about literally in years, but I bet you remember it. It hit early access five years ago and made headlines for things like pooping and penis customization and ladybeards (honestly, you really should read the piece on penis customization). And then it sort of fell off our radar, though developer Gamepires has continued patching this whole time – quite a feat for a game that’s lingered in early access for so long.

That continues with today’s release, which the studio has dubbed Smokin’ Hot. No, the patch doesn’t send you into an grimdark inferno-encrusted hellscape; it’s literally about making the male characters properly swole.

“Following the improvements to female characters in last year’s Call of Beauty update, Smokin’ Hot introduces reworked male character models into SCUM, alongside plenty of new customisation options.”

Wait wait wait, back up – we somehow missed a patch named Call of Beauty? We’re dying here.

“It’s not just the fellas that are getting a glow-up though. There are two monstrous enemies that can now be found in the bunkers – the hulking Brenner, equipped with a scorching flamethrower; and the nimble Razor, who’ll close in on players and cut them down with knife-like limbs. Alongside the addition of Brenner and Razor, bunkers have been overhauled to allow players to increase their Intelligence attribute for the first time. New puzzle mechanics found within the bunkers allow players to gather important data, which can then be traded in for an Intelligence increase at the Doctor. The Intelligence attribute is more important than ever, too, now influencing the experience (XP) gain on all player skills. Smokin’ Hot also introduces some important improvements to SCUM, including an XP rebalance which will make it easier and more worthwhile for players to level up any of their skills. And for those prisoners more interested in brawns than brains, the update adds the Light Machine Gun (LMG), a brand-new class of weapon for players to get their hands on.”

If you can handle a survival MMO that doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave early access and whose Steam page still says EA will last only a year five years later, and you also like a goofy sense of humor and have 40 bucks to spend, then your time is now.

Source: Press release, Steam
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